Ninoy’s Letter to his Daugther Pinky

August 26, 1973

FortBonifacio

11:10 a.m.

Miss Aurora Corazon C. Aquino

PERSONAL

My dearest Double Mommie:

I have just heard Mass with Senator Jose W. Diokno and I received my communion in preparation for tomorrow’s big show. Last night I wrote Noy-noy and explained to him the crucial and vital decision I made yesterday after a lengthy conference with my lawyers.

During the Mass, while Pepe was reading the prayer of the faithful, the last paragraph struck me: “For all our fellow men, who suffer: may they know that if a grain of wheat dies, it yields a rich harvest.’ Let us pray to the Lord.”

As soon as I got back to my room, I looked up the complete quotation from your Bible, which Mommie sent me sometime ago and in the gospel according to John, I found the following:

“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.”

What does this mean? Is it an invitation to suicide? I think it simply means that there is much more than earthly comfort, joy and carnal pleasure in this world. The message of Jesus, as I understand it, is that we must be ready to sacrifice for our fellow men at all time, and if need be, even offer our lives for them. Unless we are willing to suffer with, and share our love with our neighbors, then we are like the grain that does not fall into the ground… and will always remain only a grain of wheat. But if we pick up our cross, and in the spirit of self-sacrifice and self-abnegation suffer for our neighbors, then like the grain that falls into the earth and dies, we will grow and bear much fruit.

In a way this is the rationale behind my decision. I have no doubt I will be convicted to a long prison term. I am prepared to spend the rest of my natural life behind bars because I will not defend myself and will accept the “tyrant’s revenge.” This is my act of protest against the deprivation of our people of their freedom and liberties and this is my act of defiance against dictatorship. I have deliberately chosen a life of loneliness, separated from you my loved ones and turned my back on the gaiety and comfort of life in this world in the hope that by so doing, I might awaken some latent forces that will cause a chain reaction and that will eventually lead to an explosion of human atoms wanting to be free.

I have watched and observed you very carefully and all these years and of all my children, you are the most sensitive, the most emotional and therefore the most artistically inclined. You have a keen eye for details and you are possessed with a sharp analytical mind and intellect. Unfortunately, you have not used your talents to the maximum and have been content to coast along, a trait I hope you will correct in time.

You will recall I have often told you of your responsibility, at least to me, because you carry the name of the two greatest women in my life, your grandmother and your mother. Hence, you are my double mommie. I have always planned to discuss many things with you and Ate because you are now young ladies but unfortunately we never had the time during those days when I pursued public office.

Now that I have all the time for you, we are limited only to two one-hour visits a week. Isn’t this ironical? At any rate, I decided to put down briefly in writing some of the things I really wanted to tell you.

1. Never sell yourself short. You are pretty, talented and gifted. Believe this and make the best of your assets. As in the parable of the talents, one day you will be made to account God on how you used your gifts. Do not be like the man who merely hid his talent and never allowed it to multiply. Be like the one who invested his talent wisely and watched it increase tenfold.

2. Be more tolerant to your brother and sisters. Most especially to the two younger ones. I hope you will take time to be charitable to our baby doll, Krissy. She loves to hear stories, please accommodate her for me. Do not provoke Viel, our little princess, especially now that her protector is in jail.

3. You are sometimes rather high-strung and spirited. Properly restrained, these tendencies can well be the source of your inner drive and motivations. But there are times when your spirit turns to unreasonable rebelliousness and intransigence, especially with your superiors. Learn to give and take because life is a continuous compromise. We cannot always have our own way all the time. And the world is made up of all kinds of people. Some are wonderful and sweet, others are simply downright boring and sour. Learn to live with all kinds of people as God sends His rain to all men, to both the just and the unjust.

4. Listen to Mommie’s advice. She has your welfare at heart. She brought you in the world in agony and pain, risking her very life. Spent the better part of her youthful years trying to bring you up healthy and strong. She sacrificed her own comfort and curbed many of her desires to give you the best. The least you can do for her now is to love her with all your heart and mind. Search the whole world, you will never find a more sincere friend than your mother.

5. Learn not only to like but love Noy-noy. When I wan your age, I continuously fought with my sisters. I had daily battles with your Auntie Maur. Yet look at her today. Now that I am helpless, your Auntie Maur is showing such concern and love which I will never repay. It will be the same with you and Noy. I have not doubt Noy will be your “refuge and staff” in the not too distant future.

6. Please do this great favor for me. I want you to serve Lolo Pepe and Lola Ma in their declining years. They have lavished paternal love and understanding on your mommie and I through all these years. They went our of their way to get us started in life starting with the purchase of Magao through all my political battles. I had hopes of serving them in the twilight of their years, but this privilege is now denied me. I hope you will make up for your daddy’s inability to repay them for their many kindnesses. Love and serve them well!

7. I do not know what career you will eventually pursue. I wish you would finish your college education before thinking of marriage because the world is getting more and more partial to college graduates. The present trend is for both spouses to work and earn to meet the rising cost of living. If you have a career of your own, you will not only be an asset to your family but can always fall back on vital reserves in case of any unforeseen tragedy or reverses. One of my greatest regrets is not to be able to bequeath you with a modest inheritance to get you fully started in life. I squandered your legacies in the numerous political battles I was engaged in. And it is too late now for tears and lament!

Finally, please pray for your daddy, who loves you very much and whose sufferings will be greatly eased if your will grown up into a real fine lady whom everybody will be proud of. Your success will be the most soothing balm for my tortured heart.

I thought of writing you this letter on the eve of my trial to fill the vacuum of my loneliness. Alone with no one to talk to on a fine Sunday morning, I retreated into my little corner of make-believe and imagined that you sat in front of my table discussing with me some vagrant thoughts.

Never ever forget you are my double mommie and therefore my love for you is doubled.

Lovingly,

Dad

Ninoy's Letter to his Son NoyNoy

LIHAM NI NINOY KAY NOYNOY

My dearest Son:

One of these days , when you have completed your studies I am sure you will have the opportunity to visit many countries. And in your travels you will witness a bullfight.

In Spanish bullfighting as you know, a man – the matador – is pitted against an angry bull.

The man goads the bull to extreme anger and madness. Then a moment comes when the bull, maddened, bleeding and covered with darts, feeling his last moment has come, stops rushing about and grimly turns his face on the man with the scarlet "muleta" and sword. The Spaniards call this "the moment of truth." This is the climax of the bullfight.

This afternoon, I have arrived at my own moment of truth. After a lengthy conference with my lawyers, Senators Jovito R. Salonga and Lorenzo M. Tanada I made a very crucial and vital decision that will surely affect all our lives: mommie's, your sisters', yours and all our loved ones as well as mine.

I have decided not to participate in the proceedings of the Military Commission assigned to try the charges filed against me by the army prosecution staff. As you know, I've been charged with illegal possession of firearms, violation of RA 1700 otherwise known as the "Anti-Subversion Act" and murder.

You are still too young to grasp the full impact of my decision. Briefly: by not participating in the proceedings, I will not be represented by counsel, the prosecution will present its witnesses without any cross examinations, I will not put up any defense, I will remain passive and quiet through the entire trial and I will merely await the verdict. Inasmuch as it will be a completely one-sided affair, I suppose it is reasonable to expect the maximum penalty will be given to me. I expect to be sentenced to imprisonment the rest of my natural life, or possibly be sent to stand before a firing squad. By adopting the course of action I decided upon this afternoon, I have literally decided to walk into the very jaws of death.

You may ask: why did you do it?

Son, my decision is an act of conscience. It is an act of protest against the structures of injustice that have been imposed upon our hapless countrymen. Futile and puny, as it will surely appear to many, it is my last act of defiance against tyranny and dictatorship.

You are my only son. You carry my name and the name of my father. I have no material wealth to leave you. I never had time to make money while I was in the hire of our people.

For this I am very sorry. I had hopes of building a little nest egg for you. I bought a ranch in Masbate in the hope that after ten or fifteen years, the coconut trees I planted there would be yielding enough to assure you a modest but comfortable existence.

Unfortunately, I had to sell all our properties as I fought battle after political battle as a beleaguered member of the opposition. And after the last battle, I had more obligations than assets.

The only valuable asset I can bequeath to you now is the name you carry. I have tried my best during my years of public service to keep that name untarnished and respected, unmarked by sorry compromises for expediency. I now pass it on to you, as good, I pray, as when my father, your grandfather passed it on to me.

I prepared a statement which I intend to read before the military commission on Monday at the opening of my trial. I hope the commission members will be understanding and kind enough to allow me to read my statement into the record. This may well be my first and only participation in the entire proceedings.

In this statement, I said: Some people suggested that I beg for mercy from the present powers that be. Son, this I cannot do in conscience. I would rather die on my feet with honor, than live on bended knees in shame.

Your great grandfather, Gen. Servilliano Aquino was twice condemned to death by both the Spaniards and the American colonizers. Fortunately, he survived both by a twist of fate.

Your grandfather, my father was also imprisoned by the Americans because he loved his people more than the Americans who colonized us. He was finally vindicated. Our ancestors have shared the pains, the sorrows and the anguish of Mother Filipinas when she was in bondage.

It is a rare privilege for me to join the Motherland in the dark dungeon where she was led back by one of her own sons whom she lavished with love and glory.

I ended my statement thus: I have chosen to follow my conscience and accept the tyrant's revenge.

It takes little effort to stop a tyrant. I have no doubt in the ultimate victory of right over wrong, of evil over good, in the awakening of the Filipino.

Forgive me for passing unto your young shoulders the great responsibility for our family. I trust you will love your mother and your sisters and lavish them with the care and protection I would have given them.

I was barely fifteen years old when my father died. His death was my most traumatic experience. I loved and hero-worshipped him so much, I wanted to join him in his grave when he passed away. But as in all sorrows, eventually they are washed away by the rains of time.

In the coming years, I hope you will study very hard so that you will have a solid foundation on which to build your future. I may no longer be around to give you my fatherly advice. I have asked many of your uncles to help you along should the need arise and I pray you will have the humility to drink from their fountain of experiences.

Look after your two younger sisters with understanding and affection. Viel and Krissy will need your umbrella of protection for a long time. Krissy is still very young and fate has been most unkind to both of us. Our parting came too soon. Please make up for me. Take care of her as I would have taken care of her with patience and warm affection.

Finally, stand by your mother as she stood beside me through the buffeting winds of crisis and uncertainties firm and resolute and uncowed. I pray to God, you inherit her indomitable spirit and her rare brand of silent courage.

I had hopes of introducing you to my friends, showing you the world and guide you through the maze of survival. I am afraid, you will now have to go it alone without your guide.

The only advice I can give you: Live with honor and follow your conscience.

There is no greater nation on earth than our Motherland. No greater people than our own. Serve them with all your heart, with all your might and with all your strength.

Son, the ball is now in your hands.

Lovingly,

Dad

Ninoy's Letter to Daughter Ballsy

August 18, 1973
FortBonifacio
Makati, Rizal

Ms. Maria Elena C. Aquino
25 Times St. Quezon City

My dearest Ballsy,

I write you this letter with tears in my eyes and as if steel fingers are crushing my heart because I wanted so much to be with you as you celebrate your legal emancipation. Now that you have come of age, my love, a voice tells me that I am no longer young and suddenly, I feel old.

An old poet gave this advice very long ago “when you are sad, remember the roses will bloom in December.” I want to send you bouquet of roses, big red roses from my dreamland garden. Unfortunately for the present, my roses are not in bloom, in fact they have dropped all their petals and only the thorns are left to keep me company. I do think it is fitting to send you a thicket of thorns on this memorable day!

I am very proud of you because you have inherited all the best traits of your mother. You are sensible, responsible, even-tempered and sincere with the least pretenses and affection which vehemently detest in a woman. I am sure like your mother, you will possess that rare brand of silent courage and that combination of fidelity and fortitude that will be the life vest of your man in the tragic moments of his life.

During my lonely hours of solitary confinement in FortMagsaysay, Laur, Nueva Ecija last March and April with nothing else to do but pray and daydream, with only my fond memories to keep me company, I planned a weekend barrio fiesta for you in Tarlac for your 18^th birthday. I fooled myself into believing that my ordeal would end with the fiscal year. I planned to invite all your classmates and friends and their families for the weekends.

The schedule called for an early departure by bus from Manila and the first stop will be Concepcion, where lunch will be served by the pool. And after lunch, you were to visit the SantaRitaElementary School to distribute cookies and ice cream to the children of that public school where you were first enrolled.

I guess sheer nostalgia prompted me to include Santa Rita. We were only three then: Mommie, you and I. Those were the days of happy memories little responsibilities, tremendous freedom, a great future ahead and capped by a fulfillment of love. You are the first fruit of our union, the first proof of our love and the first seal of our affections.

From Concepcion we were to proceed to Luisita for the barrio fiesta. I intended to invite a friend who could roast an entire cow succulently. Swimming, pelota, dancing and eating would have been the order of the day.

Sunday morning was reserved for a trip around the Hacienda and the mill and maybe golf for some of the parents and later a picnic-lunch on Uncle Tony’s Island. Return to Manila after lunch. I am afraid this will have to remain as one of the many dreams I had in Laur.

Our future has suddenly become uncertain and our fate unknown. I am even now beginning to doubt whether I’ll ever be able to return to you and the family. Hence, I would like to ask you these special favors.

Love your mother, whose love for you, you will never be able to match. She is not the greatest mother in the world, she is your sincerest friend.

Take care of your younger sisters and brother and lavish them with the love and care I would like to continue giving them but am unable to do so.

Help Noy-noy along and pray hard that he will grow to be a real, responsible man who in later years will protect you all.

You are the model for your three younger sisters. Your responsibility is therefore great. Please endeavor to live up to our highest expectations. Be more tolerant to Pinky, more accessible to Viel, our little genius-princess, and more charitable to Krissy, our baby doll, and make up for my neglect.

Finally, forgive me, my love, for not having been an ideal, good and thoughtful father to you all as I pursued public office. I had hopes and high resolve of making up, but I am afraid my destiny will not oblige.

I seal this letter with a drop of tear and a prayer in my heart, that somehow, somewhere we shall meet again and I will finally be able to make up for all my lapses, in the kingdom where justice reigns supreme and love is eternal.

I love you,
Dad