August 26, 1973
FortBonifacio
11:10 a.m.
Miss Aurora Corazon C. Aquino
PERSONAL
My dearest Double Mommie:
I have just heard Mass with Senator Jose W. Diokno and I received my communion in preparation for tomorrow’s big show. Last night I wrote Noy-noy and explained to him the crucial and vital decision I made yesterday after a lengthy conference with my lawyers.
During the Mass, while Pepe was reading the prayer of the faithful, the last paragraph struck me: “For all our fellow men, who suffer: may they know that if a grain of wheat dies, it yields a rich harvest.’ Let us pray to the Lord.”
As soon as I got back to my room, I looked up the complete quotation from your Bible, which Mommie sent me sometime ago and in the gospel according to John, I found the following:
“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.”
What does this mean? Is it an invitation to suicide? I think it simply means that there is much more than earthly comfort, joy and carnal pleasure in this world. The message of Jesus, as I understand it, is that we must be ready to sacrifice for our fellow men at all time, and if need be, even offer our lives for them. Unless we are willing to suffer with, and share our love with our neighbors, then we are like the grain that does not fall into the ground… and will always remain only a grain of wheat. But if we pick up our cross, and in the spirit of self-sacrifice and self-abnegation suffer for our neighbors, then like the grain that falls into the earth and dies, we will grow and bear much fruit.
In a way this is the rationale behind my decision. I have no doubt I will be convicted to a long prison term. I am prepared to spend the rest of my natural life behind bars because I will not defend myself and will accept the “tyrant’s revenge.” This is my act of protest against the deprivation of our people of their freedom and liberties and this is my act of defiance against dictatorship. I have deliberately chosen a life of loneliness, separated from you my loved ones and turned my back on the gaiety and comfort of life in this world in the hope that by so doing, I might awaken some latent forces that will cause a chain reaction and that will eventually lead to an explosion of human atoms wanting to be free.
I have watched and observed you very carefully and all these years and of all my children, you are the most sensitive, the most emotional and therefore the most artistically inclined. You have a keen eye for details and you are possessed with a sharp analytical mind and intellect. Unfortunately, you have not used your talents to the maximum and have been content to coast along, a trait I hope you will correct in time.
You will recall I have often told you of your responsibility, at least to me, because you carry the name of the two greatest women in my life, your grandmother and your mother. Hence, you are my double mommie. I have always planned to discuss many things with you and Ate because you are now young ladies but unfortunately we never had the time during those days when I pursued public office.
Now that I have all the time for you, we are limited only to two one-hour visits a week. Isn’t this ironical? At any rate, I decided to put down briefly in writing some of the things I really wanted to tell you.
1. Never sell yourself short. You are pretty, talented and gifted. Believe this and make the best of your assets. As in the parable of the talents, one day you will be made to account God on how you used your gifts. Do not be like the man who merely hid his talent and never allowed it to multiply. Be like the one who invested his talent wisely and watched it increase tenfold.
2. Be more tolerant to your brother and sisters. Most especially to the two younger ones. I hope you will take time to be charitable to our baby doll, Krissy. She loves to hear stories, please accommodate her for me. Do not provoke Viel, our little princess, especially now that her protector is in jail.
3. You are sometimes rather high-strung and spirited. Properly restrained, these tendencies can well be the source of your inner drive and motivations. But there are times when your spirit turns to unreasonable rebelliousness and intransigence, especially with your superiors. Learn to give and take because life is a continuous compromise. We cannot always have our own way all the time. And the world is made up of all kinds of people. Some are wonderful and sweet, others are simply downright boring and sour. Learn to live with all kinds of people as God sends His rain to all men, to both the just and the unjust.
4. Listen to Mommie’s advice. She has your welfare at heart. She brought you in the world in agony and pain, risking her very life. Spent the better part of her youthful years trying to bring you up healthy and strong. She sacrificed her own comfort and curbed many of her desires to give you the best. The least you can do for her now is to love her with all your heart and mind. Search the whole world, you will never find a more sincere friend than your mother.
5. Learn not only to like but love Noy-noy. When I wan your age, I continuously fought with my sisters. I had daily battles with your Auntie Maur. Yet look at her today. Now that I am helpless, your Auntie Maur is showing such concern and love which I will never repay. It will be the same with you and Noy. I have not doubt Noy will be your “refuge and staff” in the not too distant future.
6. Please do this great favor for me. I want you to serve Lolo Pepe and Lola Ma in their declining years. They have lavished paternal love and understanding on your mommie and I through all these years. They went our of their way to get us started in life starting with the purchase of Magao through all my political battles. I had hopes of serving them in the twilight of their years, but this privilege is now denied me. I hope you will make up for your daddy’s inability to repay them for their many kindnesses. Love and serve them well!
7. I do not know what career you will eventually pursue. I wish you would finish your college education before thinking of marriage because the world is getting more and more partial to college graduates. The present trend is for both spouses to work and earn to meet the rising cost of living. If you have a career of your own, you will not only be an asset to your family but can always fall back on vital reserves in case of any unforeseen tragedy or reverses. One of my greatest regrets is not to be able to bequeath you with a modest inheritance to get you fully started in life. I squandered your legacies in the numerous political battles I was engaged in. And it is too late now for tears and lament!
Finally, please pray for your daddy, who loves you very much and whose sufferings will be greatly eased if your will grown up into a real fine lady whom everybody will be proud of. Your success will be the most soothing balm for my tortured heart.
I thought of writing you this letter on the eve of my trial to fill the vacuum of my loneliness. Alone with no one to talk to on a fine Sunday morning, I retreated into my little corner of make-believe and imagined that you sat in front of my table discussing with me some vagrant thoughts.
Never ever forget you are my double mommie and therefore my love for you is doubled.
Lovingly,
Dad
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