Siblings

I am not a big fan of movies that shows rivalry among siblings, neither a fan of those telenovelas that showcases it but I am one of those who experiences A LOT when it comes to this.

A day or two ago, yes, in time for Christmas, I had an argument with my mother, who unconsciously favors my older sister, our eldest. She really denies it that she favors one of her three daughters. It was all because of a rubber shoes that she has been keeping. It was just in the box for almost a year. She never let me and my younger sister use it. She's been telling us that it's hers and she'll use it some time. Earlier that same day she decided to give the shoes to my Ate, who's in the province, who's earning just for herself, who worries nothing but herself. She gave it just like that. In all fairness to Mama, she told me, when I got home from work, that she had the shoes sent to Ate.

It was not just the shoes that pisses me off. It was everything that came to mind, between me and my sister, that really took my patience. Way back when we were young, Ate is two years older than me, all our clothes were alike, it was always a smaller size of what Ate had. Shoes were the same, though different size. Even our school shoes, bags, socks. Everything was the same between me and her. It's as if we're twins. The bad thing is I despise it. All those was given to me not because it looks good seeing sisters wearing the same clothes, it was because it looks good on her and that doesn't make me comfortable. We used to have this particular dress, of course, same style and color, that I hate. Mama would often say that we look like dolls. Not in my case. I look terribly awful. I'll try find a copy of that picture.

It feels bad to have and argument with Mama, it feels bad that I envy Ate up until now, and why she favors Ate that much. I can't find an answer and I can't figure out why. Is it because Ate looks more like Mama and I don't? I know I'm too old to blab about these stuff but I just can't help it. I can't.

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