Moving On, Seriously

Just an Instagram post but it means a lot, speaks a lot. All I need to see is one IG post and that's it. 

I've been struggling lately, since I have confirmed that I do have 'feelings' for you. It was never easy controlling the emotion -- because I am not used to it. But because our friendship is far more important than how I feel, I tried my very best to have it under control. If you were just another guy, I don't care if you would know how I feel. 

So, as I was saying, all I need to see is that one post from your Instagram page. That says a lot about what I need to do. Well, I do know what to do from the beginning, it's just that I am refusing to do so because of this 'feelings' that I have for you. I wish you well -- again, cliche as I always tell all of you this. I want you to be truly happy because you deserve it. 

Yes, this might be the last that I will write about you here and talk about how I fell for you. I hope that the next time I would write about you is because we, as a group, traveled somewhere or went out. 

Thank you, you were the reason why I find it easy to smile during those days. I wish to still see that reason and I hope that you can still make me smile -- well, you still do. Thank you and see you around.

Same Old Feeling - Different Guy - Happens All The Time

You had me at "pengeng pagkain".

I have known you for almost a year now. You have been very nice. I never thought that we would be friends aside from being teammates then. You are the usual teammate -- makulit, maingay, funny -- but that was fine. It made our shift less stressful. We were never close then. I don't know much from you back then -- well, not that I know more now. You have different set of friends then and now.

Until we started training for the new account. I began to know more of you. Aside from being your usual matakaw self, I have known that you dig movies so much that makes my liking movies an understatement. I've known that you are at the early stage of Alzheimer -- not seriously though. Just a joke because you always, always leave something behind - water bottle, ID, wallet, but never your mobile phone as you always have the need to go online -- go outside the office, spend some time, connect to the internet and watch online or continue with your downloads perhaps or chat with whoever it is. I like it when you take time to reply to Facebook comments with your wit and annoying responses. But it works, it always make me smile and annoyed at the same time. I like seeing how matakaw you are. You are not a picky eater aside from raisins and peas. Very unusual that these information were ingrained in my memory -- but to even that out, just last night, I bought Jean a peach-mango pie since she was craving for it the night before. So it's not just with you, don't be flattered that much. During these days, someone might say that I have started to like you as early as the training started. It might be when it started but not when I realized when my liking began.

It was until that very unfortunate day - not the bad unfortunate but the unfortunate realization that I have started to like you. It was just recently that I have 'analyzed' when I have started to have this funny feeling. I can't admit it to myself because I am actually rooting for you and Jean -- that even if I know that she is in a relationship and unsure of your status then, I am secretly hoping. Because I can see that both of you has a lot in common. Going back to these recollections, I know now why I said that it started then. When I saw you and your friend holding hands on our way to a breakfast joint. Then all these crazy emotions followed. All small chikahan, bangayan and asaran started to slowly creep in. This is when I realized "Ay, like ko na siya".

But then again, it cannot be. Why? Because you are my friend to begin with and you are way too young for me. And I have been through this before and it did not end well. As I have said, cliche as it may sound but it's really me and not you that has a problem. It was me who fell for you, with your effortless actions. It is kinda sad that it has come to this, that I have to avoid you just to make sure that this will no longer flourish. I love it every time that you can make me smile but I am afraid that the feelings will develop each time that it would happen. I am sorry that I have to avoid you at work, I'm not sure if you notice it. Am really sorry. I want to keep the friendship that's why I am trying to deny myself of this emotion. I don't know if there would be a time that I can tell you about this, I don't even know if you will come across this and realize that I am talking about you -- well, clues are all written here.

PS:

Sorry. It was not intentional that I fell for you.