Pain In My Heart

It's 2:30 AM. I woke up almost an hour ago crying. 

Losing a part of you is painful. The grief doesn't just stop. They say that the more you verbalize the pain, the easier it will be to accept. I don't know if days will get easier. The pain will forever be a part of me. 

I have shared part of the story to some people I have just met and trusted. You feel it in your gut, when you meet people, if they are sincere and trustworthy. And I am glad that they are. They have welcomed me with an open heart and mind. They did not judge me for my decisions and actions. And my heart swells because of it. 

The recent event made me realize that I don't have to keep everything all to myself, yet I am not ready to let the person involved know. Not this time. Not anytime soon. Am I being selfish, anak? 

I Lost You; Phone and More

Disclaimer: I was not suppose to share this with ANYONE. I am all set keeping this as a secret for the rest of my life. I was triggered because I lost my phone. It's not the phone that I want back but the memory card. It took me more than 24 hours to finish this and 2-3 hours just reading everything again. As it would be the last time that I would be having "my unnamed you" all for myself.

I lost my phone.

More than the value of the phone, I lost a lot of memories, good and bad; happy and sad, stored in that phone. I never thought I would feel this much losing a phone. I didn't just lose the phone. I lost a part of me too. Stored in that phone.

That phone was a silent witness of how my life is for the last five years. LG3 (it's actually an LG G3 Beat model) has seen me fall in and out of love; and repeat. He was my witness of how I am over the last five years. He has all the memories of a love that was five years in the making, and how I lost thrice.

The first time I lost was five years ago. The man I liked then was (I thought) married, with kids. So I settled with being friends. Until four years and nine months later, March 21, to be exact.