Could it be possible to fall in love in two days?
Long Overdue: The Story of Two Mobile Phones
I've been meaning to tell the story of how I almost lost two cell phones in a span of one month but I'm just too lazy too think of how to write it. Nevertheless, not being able to write for a almost a month was my driving force to go 'head and type those words away.
As I said, I nearly lost two mobile phones in a month's time. The first one was my Globe phone, it was a Nokia 1680, which I bought as a Christmas ('08) gift to my mom. It was Typhoon Ondoy and I had a hard time going home. It was flooded all the way from Alabang to Laguna. I had both my Sun and Globe phone that time but since I was communicating with my cousin, who is a Globe user, I decided to keep the other phone in the safety of my bag and the other one in my pocket. Since it was impossible to go home to Binan, it was chest-deep inside the subdivision, I decided to take my chances and travel 2 towns away (I mean, 1 town and 1 city, Sta. Rosa is already a city), just to have a place to spend the night at. It never occured to me that rain water + flood water would make the phone slip unnoticed. I found out that I lost it when I was aboard a shuttle (a semicon shuttle, that is!) and was about to text my cousins who are on the roof at that time. I braved the flood and the typhoon but I lost a phone that wasn't even a year old.
Moving on, it was not even a month after when I lost my other phone, a Samsung E590, that just turned a year old. It's my Sun cell phone, though it's postpaid, just the thought that I lost another phone makes me mad. It was a Saturday and it accidentally fell off my bag's pocket. I lost it riding a tricycle going home. I tried calling and sending SMS to my phone but no luck, not even once that 'someone' answered any. Good thing was I remembered the tricycle that I rode into but it wasn't there the following day. I waited until Monday to look after the trike driver, it was after I had my number blocked and got another sim card, I saw the driver and asked if he saw a mobile phone that was left in his trike and voila! *wide grin here* He asked me what the phone looked like and I willingly described it. He was even telling me that I was lucky that the other passenger gave it to him, thinking it was his phone, saying that he's Catholic and he would never steal things from someone. He asked for 'pa-meryenda' in exchange of keeping my phone until someone asks for it.
And there, that's the story of my two mobile phones. It has been two (almost three) months since I lost my Globe mobile phone and my postpaid is suffering because of it. :) Most of my contacts are Globe users and it costs me a peso to send SMS unlike if I have a Globe phone, I can always go IMMORTAL. ;)
Anyhoo, I am planning to get (buy, actually) a phone for Globe use. Hopefully, I can get one before the year ends. Hello Bonus, Hello Backpay!
As I said, I nearly lost two mobile phones in a month's time. The first one was my Globe phone, it was a Nokia 1680, which I bought as a Christmas ('08) gift to my mom. It was Typhoon Ondoy and I had a hard time going home. It was flooded all the way from Alabang to Laguna. I had both my Sun and Globe phone that time but since I was communicating with my cousin, who is a Globe user, I decided to keep the other phone in the safety of my bag and the other one in my pocket. Since it was impossible to go home to Binan, it was chest-deep inside the subdivision, I decided to take my chances and travel 2 towns away (I mean, 1 town and 1 city, Sta. Rosa is already a city), just to have a place to spend the night at. It never occured to me that rain water + flood water would make the phone slip unnoticed. I found out that I lost it when I was aboard a shuttle (a semicon shuttle, that is!) and was about to text my cousins who are on the roof at that time. I braved the flood and the typhoon but I lost a phone that wasn't even a year old.
Moving on, it was not even a month after when I lost my other phone, a Samsung E590, that just turned a year old. It's my Sun cell phone, though it's postpaid, just the thought that I lost another phone makes me mad. It was a Saturday and it accidentally fell off my bag's pocket. I lost it riding a tricycle going home. I tried calling and sending SMS to my phone but no luck, not even once that 'someone' answered any. Good thing was I remembered the tricycle that I rode into but it wasn't there the following day. I waited until Monday to look after the trike driver, it was after I had my number blocked and got another sim card, I saw the driver and asked if he saw a mobile phone that was left in his trike and voila! *wide grin here* He asked me what the phone looked like and I willingly described it. He was even telling me that I was lucky that the other passenger gave it to him, thinking it was his phone, saying that he's Catholic and he would never steal things from someone. He asked for 'pa-meryenda' in exchange of keeping my phone until someone asks for it.
And there, that's the story of my two mobile phones. It has been two (almost three) months since I lost my Globe mobile phone and my postpaid is suffering because of it. :) Most of my contacts are Globe users and it costs me a peso to send SMS unlike if I have a Globe phone, I can always go IMMORTAL. ;)
Anyhoo, I am planning to get (buy, actually) a phone for Globe use. Hopefully, I can get one before the year ends. Hello Bonus, Hello Backpay!
Yes, I am 30!
happy birthday to me!!!!
A few hours from now, I'll be turning 30. I'm sure that there are new lessons learned, new friends that I've met and so many 'new' around me at this point, I just can't enumerate them all. I am thankful for my 30 years of existence:
- to my mom, though we often fight/argue about things
- to my dad (RIP) for giving me his name
- to my siblings, for all the obvious and non-obvious ways/means of telling me that I am loved
- to my relatives, aunts, uncles and cousins, especially those who are close to me, you know guys who you are, thanks for all the laughters and 'drinking/crying sessions' we shared
- to friends, online friends and to these ladies, Iris and Glens, thank you for the friendship, more years for us
- to Lei, Rye and Jonna
- to my 'sandpapers' who continuously rub and scratch me the wrong way, thank you for making me 'polished and smooth'
- to special people who helped me along the way, I am forever grateful to all of you. It might not be that obvious but I really am
- to you, for making me smile
- lastly, to Papa God, for each and every day that He is giving me
PS:
Will post some of the pros and cons (as they say) of being 30 in a few days. I don't wan't to ruin the 'moment'. =)
Big Three-0
As I am counting the days until I age a year older, I am getting sickly as ever. Been like this since time immemorial. I've always been sick whenever my birthday is near, year after year... and I'm tired of it.
I am thinking of having my name changed, as what the elders says, it would help someone who is sickly if they have their name changed. But of course, it's just a thought.
I am thinking of having my name changed, as what the elders says, it would help someone who is sickly if they have their name changed. But of course, it's just a thought.
Issues...
- Patrick Swayze, my childhood crush, died of Pancreatic Cancer. He passed away with family at his side on Sept 14, 2009 at age 57, twenty months after he was diagnosed.
- Poor Taylor Swift. She wasn't able to finish her acceptance speech because of Kanye West's rudeness. The nerve of that guy to use his mother's death as an excuse to what he did.
- Locally, Coco Martin, who's now famous for his character as Ramon in ABS-CBN's serye, Tayong Dalawa had an accident during the taping of the said soap.
- Erap, Lacson, Pangilinan and Yuchengco are all that I see on the news.
- I made a very sumptuous garlic fried rice tonight for dinner, inspired by Jollibee's.
- It's Cherry Pie's character who scares Florinda to death.
- I need to start watching ANTM, TSLOTAT, 90210 and all the series that I have watched last season.
Updates
It's been almost a month (on Friday) since I moved (and work) down South.
Been trying (very hard) to sleep (at night) during work week.
I miss my online friends, we seldom talk/converse now.
I miss my bed.
I miss my goddaughter.
I miss seeing my pillows and messing up my bed.
I miss PS (sometimes, especially when I hit the wrong floor on the elevator).
I miss PS's vendo machines, the pantry, the guards, the PRC-Mantrade PUJs.
I forgot now how my (bedside) mini-library looks like.
I miss my little arguments with Mum, Sis and Bro.
I sometimes miss my medication (that's another 'miss' thing).
Most of all, I miss Mama, Mona, Dale and Venice.
But...
I am happy now with where I am.
Happy with workmates and the working environment.
Happy that I get home seeing that the sun is still up (though waking up at 2.30AM is a battle).
Get to work with a few people (not that I don't like working with a team of 30 people).
I find the ride to work peaceful (at 3.ooAM, of course it's nothing but peaceful, because almost half of the population is still sleeping).
I try (very HARD) not to doze off at work.
I got to see my family (went home, actually) thrice before I hit my 1st month (and that was BAD for the budget).
I am happy to be with (some of) my TNC family.
I have a 'secret' at work, right, Maika? Tosca?
Overall, I am happy that I made the right decision though it means living far from Manila.
----
ps
I often use the word LUWAS, which means to go from town to city, nowadays. As if I am really that far from Manila. It's actually a 2-hour trip (depending on the traffic).
And as seldom as it was before, with my stay here in my aunt's house, I only go out of the house if (1) it's an errand, (2) I have to go to work; and (3) LULUWAS ako ng Manila. How cool, right? For someone who is nearing her big three-0, yes, my life is a bore, I don't go out as much.
Been trying (very hard) to sleep (at night) during work week.
I miss my online friends, we seldom talk/converse now.
I miss my bed.
I miss my goddaughter.
I miss seeing my pillows and messing up my bed.
I miss PS (sometimes, especially when I hit the wrong floor on the elevator).
I miss PS's vendo machines, the pantry, the guards, the PRC-Mantrade PUJs.
I forgot now how my (bedside) mini-library looks like.
I miss my little arguments with Mum, Sis and Bro.
I sometimes miss my medication (that's another 'miss' thing).
Most of all, I miss Mama, Mona, Dale and Venice.
But...
I am happy now with where I am.
Happy with workmates and the working environment.
Happy that I get home seeing that the sun is still up (though waking up at 2.30AM is a battle).
Get to work with a few people (not that I don't like working with a team of 30 people).
I find the ride to work peaceful (at 3.ooAM, of course it's nothing but peaceful, because almost half of the population is still sleeping).
I try (very HARD) not to doze off at work.
I got to see my family (went home, actually) thrice before I hit my 1st month (and that was BAD for the budget).
I am happy to be with (some of) my TNC family.
I have a 'secret' at work, right, Maika? Tosca?
Overall, I am happy that I made the right decision though it means living far from Manila.
----
ps
I often use the word LUWAS, which means to go from town to city, nowadays. As if I am really that far from Manila. It's actually a 2-hour trip (depending on the traffic).
And as seldom as it was before, with my stay here in my aunt's house, I only go out of the house if (1) it's an errand, (2) I have to go to work; and (3) LULUWAS ako ng Manila. How cool, right? For someone who is nearing her big three-0, yes, my life is a bore, I don't go out as much.
Ninoy’s Letter to his Daugther Pinky
August 26, 1973
FortBonifacio
11:10 a.m.
Miss Aurora Corazon C. Aquino
PERSONAL
My dearest Double Mommie:
I have just heard Mass with Senator Jose W. Diokno and I received my communion in preparation for tomorrow’s big show. Last night I wrote Noy-noy and explained to him the crucial and vital decision I made yesterday after a lengthy conference with my lawyers.
During the Mass, while Pepe was reading the prayer of the faithful, the last paragraph struck me: “For all our fellow men, who suffer: may they know that if a grain of wheat dies, it yields a rich harvest.’ Let us pray to the Lord.”
As soon as I got back to my room, I looked up the complete quotation from your Bible, which Mommie sent me sometime ago and in the gospel according to John, I found the following:
“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.”
What does this mean? Is it an invitation to suicide? I think it simply means that there is much more than earthly comfort, joy and carnal pleasure in this world. The message of Jesus, as I understand it, is that we must be ready to sacrifice for our fellow men at all time, and if need be, even offer our lives for them. Unless we are willing to suffer with, and share our love with our neighbors, then we are like the grain that does not fall into the ground… and will always remain only a grain of wheat. But if we pick up our cross, and in the spirit of self-sacrifice and self-abnegation suffer for our neighbors, then like the grain that falls into the earth and dies, we will grow and bear much fruit.
In a way this is the rationale behind my decision. I have no doubt I will be convicted to a long prison term. I am prepared to spend the rest of my natural life behind bars because I will not defend myself and will accept the “tyrant’s revenge.” This is my act of protest against the deprivation of our people of their freedom and liberties and this is my act of defiance against dictatorship. I have deliberately chosen a life of loneliness, separated from you my loved ones and turned my back on the gaiety and comfort of life in this world in the hope that by so doing, I might awaken some latent forces that will cause a chain reaction and that will eventually lead to an explosion of human atoms wanting to be free.
I have watched and observed you very carefully and all these years and of all my children, you are the most sensitive, the most emotional and therefore the most artistically inclined. You have a keen eye for details and you are possessed with a sharp analytical mind and intellect. Unfortunately, you have not used your talents to the maximum and have been content to coast along, a trait I hope you will correct in time.
You will recall I have often told you of your responsibility, at least to me, because you carry the name of the two greatest women in my life, your grandmother and your mother. Hence, you are my double mommie. I have always planned to discuss many things with you and Ate because you are now young ladies but unfortunately we never had the time during those days when I pursued public office.
Now that I have all the time for you, we are limited only to two one-hour visits a week. Isn’t this ironical? At any rate, I decided to put down briefly in writing some of the things I really wanted to tell you.
1. Never sell yourself short. You are pretty, talented and gifted. Believe this and make the best of your assets. As in the parable of the talents, one day you will be made to account God on how you used your gifts. Do not be like the man who merely hid his talent and never allowed it to multiply. Be like the one who invested his talent wisely and watched it increase tenfold.
2. Be more tolerant to your brother and sisters. Most especially to the two younger ones. I hope you will take time to be charitable to our baby doll, Krissy. She loves to hear stories, please accommodate her for me. Do not provoke Viel, our little princess, especially now that her protector is in jail.
3. You are sometimes rather high-strung and spirited. Properly restrained, these tendencies can well be the source of your inner drive and motivations. But there are times when your spirit turns to unreasonable rebelliousness and intransigence, especially with your superiors. Learn to give and take because life is a continuous compromise. We cannot always have our own way all the time. And the world is made up of all kinds of people. Some are wonderful and sweet, others are simply downright boring and sour. Learn to live with all kinds of people as God sends His rain to all men, to both the just and the unjust.
4. Listen to Mommie’s advice. She has your welfare at heart. She brought you in the world in agony and pain, risking her very life. Spent the better part of her youthful years trying to bring you up healthy and strong. She sacrificed her own comfort and curbed many of her desires to give you the best. The least you can do for her now is to love her with all your heart and mind. Search the whole world, you will never find a more sincere friend than your mother.
5. Learn not only to like but love Noy-noy. When I wan your age, I continuously fought with my sisters. I had daily battles with your Auntie Maur. Yet look at her today. Now that I am helpless, your Auntie Maur is showing such concern and love which I will never repay. It will be the same with you and Noy. I have not doubt Noy will be your “refuge and staff” in the not too distant future.
6. Please do this great favor for me. I want you to serve Lolo Pepe and Lola Ma in their declining years. They have lavished paternal love and understanding on your mommie and I through all these years. They went our of their way to get us started in life starting with the purchase of Magao through all my political battles. I had hopes of serving them in the twilight of their years, but this privilege is now denied me. I hope you will make up for your daddy’s inability to repay them for their many kindnesses. Love and serve them well!
7. I do not know what career you will eventually pursue. I wish you would finish your college education before thinking of marriage because the world is getting more and more partial to college graduates. The present trend is for both spouses to work and earn to meet the rising cost of living. If you have a career of your own, you will not only be an asset to your family but can always fall back on vital reserves in case of any unforeseen tragedy or reverses. One of my greatest regrets is not to be able to bequeath you with a modest inheritance to get you fully started in life. I squandered your legacies in the numerous political battles I was engaged in. And it is too late now for tears and lament!
Finally, please pray for your daddy, who loves you very much and whose sufferings will be greatly eased if your will grown up into a real fine lady whom everybody will be proud of. Your success will be the most soothing balm for my tortured heart.
I thought of writing you this letter on the eve of my trial to fill the vacuum of my loneliness. Alone with no one to talk to on a fine Sunday morning, I retreated into my little corner of make-believe and imagined that you sat in front of my table discussing with me some vagrant thoughts.
Never ever forget you are my double mommie and therefore my love for you is doubled.
Lovingly,
Dad
Ninoy's Letter to his Son NoyNoy
LIHAM NI NINOY KAY NOYNOY
My dearest Son:
One of these days , when you have completed your studies I am sure you will have the opportunity to visit many countries. And in your travels you will witness a bullfight.
In Spanish bullfighting as you know, a man – the matador – is pitted against an angry bull.
The man goads the bull to extreme anger and madness. Then a moment comes when the bull, maddened, bleeding and covered with darts, feeling his last moment has come, stops rushing about and grimly turns his face on the man with the scarlet "muleta" and sword. The Spaniards call this "the moment of truth." This is the climax of the bullfight.
This afternoon, I have arrived at my own moment of truth. After a lengthy conference with my lawyers, Senators Jovito R. Salonga and Lorenzo M. Tanada I made a very crucial and vital decision that will surely affect all our lives: mommie's, your sisters', yours and all our loved ones as well as mine.
I have decided not to participate in the proceedings of the Military Commission assigned to try the charges filed against me by the army prosecution staff. As you know, I've been charged with illegal possession of firearms, violation of RA 1700 otherwise known as the "Anti-Subversion Act" and murder.
You are still too young to grasp the full impact of my decision. Briefly: by not participating in the proceedings, I will not be represented by counsel, the prosecution will present its witnesses without any cross examinations, I will not put up any defense, I will remain passive and quiet through the entire trial and I will merely await the verdict. Inasmuch as it will be a completely one-sided affair, I suppose it is reasonable to expect the maximum penalty will be given to me. I expect to be sentenced to imprisonment the rest of my natural life, or possibly be sent to stand before a firing squad. By adopting the course of action I decided upon this afternoon, I have literally decided to walk into the very jaws of death.
You may ask: why did you do it?
Son, my decision is an act of conscience. It is an act of protest against the structures of injustice that have been imposed upon our hapless countrymen. Futile and puny, as it will surely appear to many, it is my last act of defiance against tyranny and dictatorship.
You are my only son. You carry my name and the name of my father. I have no material wealth to leave you. I never had time to make money while I was in the hire of our people.
For this I am very sorry. I had hopes of building a little nest egg for you. I bought a ranch in Masbate in the hope that after ten or fifteen years, the coconut trees I planted there would be yielding enough to assure you a modest but comfortable existence.
Unfortunately, I had to sell all our properties as I fought battle after political battle as a beleaguered member of the opposition. And after the last battle, I had more obligations than assets.
The only valuable asset I can bequeath to you now is the name you carry. I have tried my best during my years of public service to keep that name untarnished and respected, unmarked by sorry compromises for expediency. I now pass it on to you, as good, I pray, as when my father, your grandfather passed it on to me.
I prepared a statement which I intend to read before the military commission on Monday at the opening of my trial. I hope the commission members will be understanding and kind enough to allow me to read my statement into the record. This may well be my first and only participation in the entire proceedings.
In this statement, I said: Some people suggested that I beg for mercy from the present powers that be. Son, this I cannot do in conscience. I would rather die on my feet with honor, than live on bended knees in shame.
Your great grandfather, Gen. Servilliano Aquino was twice condemned to death by both the Spaniards and the American colonizers. Fortunately, he survived both by a twist of fate.
Your grandfather, my father was also imprisoned by the Americans because he loved his people more than the Americans who colonized us. He was finally vindicated. Our ancestors have shared the pains, the sorrows and the anguish of Mother Filipinas when she was in bondage.
It is a rare privilege for me to join the Motherland in the dark dungeon where she was led back by one of her own sons whom she lavished with love and glory.
I ended my statement thus: I have chosen to follow my conscience and accept the tyrant's revenge.
It takes little effort to stop a tyrant. I have no doubt in the ultimate victory of right over wrong, of evil over good, in the awakening of the Filipino.
Forgive me for passing unto your young shoulders the great responsibility for our family. I trust you will love your mother and your sisters and lavish them with the care and protection I would have given them.
I was barely fifteen years old when my father died. His death was my most traumatic experience. I loved and hero-worshipped him so much, I wanted to join him in his grave when he passed away. But as in all sorrows, eventually they are washed away by the rains of time.
In the coming years, I hope you will study very hard so that you will have a solid foundation on which to build your future. I may no longer be around to give you my fatherly advice. I have asked many of your uncles to help you along should the need arise and I pray you will have the humility to drink from their fountain of experiences.
Look after your two younger sisters with understanding and affection. Viel and Krissy will need your umbrella of protection for a long time. Krissy is still very young and fate has been most unkind to both of us. Our parting came too soon. Please make up for me. Take care of her as I would have taken care of her with patience and warm affection.
Finally, stand by your mother as she stood beside me through the buffeting winds of crisis and uncertainties firm and resolute and uncowed. I pray to God, you inherit her indomitable spirit and her rare brand of silent courage.
I had hopes of introducing you to my friends, showing you the world and guide you through the maze of survival. I am afraid, you will now have to go it alone without your guide.
The only advice I can give you: Live with honor and follow your conscience.
There is no greater nation on earth than our Motherland. No greater people than our own. Serve them with all your heart, with all your might and with all your strength.
Son, the ball is now in your hands.
Lovingly,
Dad
My dearest Son:
One of these days , when you have completed your studies I am sure you will have the opportunity to visit many countries. And in your travels you will witness a bullfight.
In Spanish bullfighting as you know, a man – the matador – is pitted against an angry bull.
The man goads the bull to extreme anger and madness. Then a moment comes when the bull, maddened, bleeding and covered with darts, feeling his last moment has come, stops rushing about and grimly turns his face on the man with the scarlet "muleta" and sword. The Spaniards call this "the moment of truth." This is the climax of the bullfight.
This afternoon, I have arrived at my own moment of truth. After a lengthy conference with my lawyers, Senators Jovito R. Salonga and Lorenzo M. Tanada I made a very crucial and vital decision that will surely affect all our lives: mommie's, your sisters', yours and all our loved ones as well as mine.
I have decided not to participate in the proceedings of the Military Commission assigned to try the charges filed against me by the army prosecution staff. As you know, I've been charged with illegal possession of firearms, violation of RA 1700 otherwise known as the "Anti-Subversion Act" and murder.
You are still too young to grasp the full impact of my decision. Briefly: by not participating in the proceedings, I will not be represented by counsel, the prosecution will present its witnesses without any cross examinations, I will not put up any defense, I will remain passive and quiet through the entire trial and I will merely await the verdict. Inasmuch as it will be a completely one-sided affair, I suppose it is reasonable to expect the maximum penalty will be given to me. I expect to be sentenced to imprisonment the rest of my natural life, or possibly be sent to stand before a firing squad. By adopting the course of action I decided upon this afternoon, I have literally decided to walk into the very jaws of death.
You may ask: why did you do it?
Son, my decision is an act of conscience. It is an act of protest against the structures of injustice that have been imposed upon our hapless countrymen. Futile and puny, as it will surely appear to many, it is my last act of defiance against tyranny and dictatorship.
You are my only son. You carry my name and the name of my father. I have no material wealth to leave you. I never had time to make money while I was in the hire of our people.
For this I am very sorry. I had hopes of building a little nest egg for you. I bought a ranch in Masbate in the hope that after ten or fifteen years, the coconut trees I planted there would be yielding enough to assure you a modest but comfortable existence.
Unfortunately, I had to sell all our properties as I fought battle after political battle as a beleaguered member of the opposition. And after the last battle, I had more obligations than assets.
The only valuable asset I can bequeath to you now is the name you carry. I have tried my best during my years of public service to keep that name untarnished and respected, unmarked by sorry compromises for expediency. I now pass it on to you, as good, I pray, as when my father, your grandfather passed it on to me.
I prepared a statement which I intend to read before the military commission on Monday at the opening of my trial. I hope the commission members will be understanding and kind enough to allow me to read my statement into the record. This may well be my first and only participation in the entire proceedings.
In this statement, I said: Some people suggested that I beg for mercy from the present powers that be. Son, this I cannot do in conscience. I would rather die on my feet with honor, than live on bended knees in shame.
Your great grandfather, Gen. Servilliano Aquino was twice condemned to death by both the Spaniards and the American colonizers. Fortunately, he survived both by a twist of fate.
Your grandfather, my father was also imprisoned by the Americans because he loved his people more than the Americans who colonized us. He was finally vindicated. Our ancestors have shared the pains, the sorrows and the anguish of Mother Filipinas when she was in bondage.
It is a rare privilege for me to join the Motherland in the dark dungeon where she was led back by one of her own sons whom she lavished with love and glory.
I ended my statement thus: I have chosen to follow my conscience and accept the tyrant's revenge.
It takes little effort to stop a tyrant. I have no doubt in the ultimate victory of right over wrong, of evil over good, in the awakening of the Filipino.
Forgive me for passing unto your young shoulders the great responsibility for our family. I trust you will love your mother and your sisters and lavish them with the care and protection I would have given them.
I was barely fifteen years old when my father died. His death was my most traumatic experience. I loved and hero-worshipped him so much, I wanted to join him in his grave when he passed away. But as in all sorrows, eventually they are washed away by the rains of time.
In the coming years, I hope you will study very hard so that you will have a solid foundation on which to build your future. I may no longer be around to give you my fatherly advice. I have asked many of your uncles to help you along should the need arise and I pray you will have the humility to drink from their fountain of experiences.
Look after your two younger sisters with understanding and affection. Viel and Krissy will need your umbrella of protection for a long time. Krissy is still very young and fate has been most unkind to both of us. Our parting came too soon. Please make up for me. Take care of her as I would have taken care of her with patience and warm affection.
Finally, stand by your mother as she stood beside me through the buffeting winds of crisis and uncertainties firm and resolute and uncowed. I pray to God, you inherit her indomitable spirit and her rare brand of silent courage.
I had hopes of introducing you to my friends, showing you the world and guide you through the maze of survival. I am afraid, you will now have to go it alone without your guide.
The only advice I can give you: Live with honor and follow your conscience.
There is no greater nation on earth than our Motherland. No greater people than our own. Serve them with all your heart, with all your might and with all your strength.
Son, the ball is now in your hands.
Lovingly,
Dad
Ninoy's Letter to Daughter Ballsy
August 18, 1973
FortBonifacio
Makati, Rizal
Ms. Maria Elena C. Aquino
25 Times St. Quezon City
My dearest Ballsy,
I write you this letter with tears in my eyes and as if steel fingers are crushing my heart because I wanted so much to be with you as you celebrate your legal emancipation. Now that you have come of age, my love, a voice tells me that I am no longer young and suddenly, I feel old.
An old poet gave this advice very long ago “when you are sad, remember the roses will bloom in December.” I want to send you bouquet of roses, big red roses from my dreamland garden. Unfortunately for the present, my roses are not in bloom, in fact they have dropped all their petals and only the thorns are left to keep me company. I do think it is fitting to send you a thicket of thorns on this memorable day!
I am very proud of you because you have inherited all the best traits of your mother. You are sensible, responsible, even-tempered and sincere with the least pretenses and affection which vehemently detest in a woman. I am sure like your mother, you will possess that rare brand of silent courage and that combination of fidelity and fortitude that will be the life vest of your man in the tragic moments of his life.
During my lonely hours of solitary confinement in FortMagsaysay, Laur, Nueva Ecija last March and April with nothing else to do but pray and daydream, with only my fond memories to keep me company, I planned a weekend barrio fiesta for you in Tarlac for your 18th birthday. I fooled myself into believing that my ordeal would end with the fiscal year. I planned to invite all your classmates and friends and their families for the weekends.
The schedule called for an early departure by bus from Manila and the first stop will be Concepcion, where lunch will be served by the pool. And after lunch, you were to visit the SantaRitaElementary School to distribute cookies and ice cream to the children of that public school where you were first enrolled.
I guess sheer nostalgia prompted me to include Santa Rita. We were only three then: Mommie, you and I. Those were the days of happy memories little responsibilities, tremendous freedom, a great future ahead and capped by a fulfillment of love. You are the first fruit of our union, the first proof of our love and the first seal of our affections.
From Concepcion we were to proceed to Luisita for the barrio fiesta. I intended to invite a friend who could roast an entire cow succulently. Swimming, pelota, dancing and eating would have been the order of the day.
Sunday morning was reserved for a trip around the Hacienda and the mill and maybe golf for some of the parents and later a picnic-lunch on Uncle Tony’s Island. Return to Manila after lunch. I am afraid this will have to remain as one of the many dreams I had in Laur.
Our future has suddenly become uncertain and our fate unknown. I am even now beginning to doubt whether I’ll ever be able to return to you and the family. Hence, I would like to ask you these special favors.
Love your mother, whose love for you, you will never be able to match. She is not the greatest mother in the world, she is your sincerest friend.
Take care of your younger sisters and brother and lavish them with the love and care I would like to continue giving them but am unable to do so.
Help Noy-noy along and pray hard that he will grow to be a real, responsible man who in later years will protect you all.
You are the model for your three younger sisters. Your responsibility is therefore great. Please endeavor to live up to our highest expectations. Be more tolerant to Pinky, more accessible to Viel, our little genius-princess, and more charitable to Krissy, our baby doll, and make up for my neglect.
Finally, forgive me, my love, for not having been an ideal, good and thoughtful father to you all as I pursued public office. I had hopes and high resolve of making up, but I am afraid my destiny will not oblige.
I seal this letter with a drop of tear and a prayer in my heart, that somehow, somewhere we shall meet again and I will finally be able to make up for all my lapses, in the kingdom where justice reigns supreme and love is eternal.
I love you,
Dad
Ninoy’s Letter to Cory, family & friends (Apr 14 '75)
‘NO EFFORT WAS SPARED TO DEHUMANIZE AND DESTROY ME’
To Cory, my dearly beloved wife, my patient suffering mother, my darling children, my sisters, brothers and relatives, friends, and supporters:
I have requested my lawyers to withdraw whatever cases and motions I have in the Supreme Court. I have also vowed to continue the hunger strike I began ten days ago.
You will probably ask me why I have chosen this course of action. I owe you an explanation, not only because you have stood by me all these years, but because in my mind I feel I am entitled to your steadfast, unflinching support only when I truly deserve it.
Last April 4, when the Military Commission suddenly made a complete turn-about and forced me, against my will, to be present in proceedings which are not only clearly illegal but unjust, I said I shall have no other alternative but to go on a hunger strike in protest against a procedure that is intended to humiliate and dehumanize me, considering that all they wanted was for me to be identified as a common criminal, and not only for myself but on behalf of the many other victims of today’s oppression and injustices.
I had filed in the Supreme Court a petition for prohibition against the Military Commission since August, 1973. I had asked for an injunction days before it started its hearing on August 27, 1973. No injunction was issued by the Supreme Court and in the hearing before the Military Commission on August 27, 1973, I declared that I would not participate in the proceedings of the military tribunal. I want you to recall what I said then-that my case is unique in that more than one year before Mr. Marcos proclaimed martial law, he had publicly accused me and pronounced me guilty, on the basis of evidence which he described as “not only strong but overwhelming,” that he could have filed the charges against me with the civil courts which were not then under his control, that the trial before the military tribunal would be an unconscionable mockery because its members are subordinates of the President and are completely beholden to him, that every part of my being is against one-man rule, that I fully realize the consequences of my decision, that I have chosen to follow my conscience and accept the tyrant’s verdict. These sentiments are even more valid today than on that day when they were first uttered.
I had expected the Supreme Court in 1974 to issue a temporary injunction or even a restraining order against the Military Commission, especially after my lawyers called its attention to two press statements of Mr. Marcos before the world saying he had actually removed martial law, and that legally martial law no longer existed in the Philippines. The Government lawyers, I understand, admitted the fact that he had made those statements.
Then, last March 10, 1975, the Military Commission granted, without my knowledge and without first hearing me, a petition filed by the Prosecution to perpetuate the testimonies of unidentified witnesses against me, and scheduled the hearings on March 31 up to April 4.
As soon as I god hold of the papers, my lawyers filed with the Supreme Court an Urgent Motion dated March 24, 1975, for the issuance of a temporary restraining order against the Military Commission, on the main ground that to hear the testimonies of these witnesses would render the prohibition suit in the Supreme Court moot, and academic, since the perpetuation of testimony proceedings would actually be a part of the trial-the very question at issue in the high court.
No restraining order was issued. The Military Commission held its first hearing, as scheduled, last March 31. At the very start, I questioned the legal authority of the Military Commission to perpetuate the testimonies of the prosecution witnesses on the ground of lack of jurisdiction, and estoppel. I pointed out that to proceed would be to let our people know that Mr. Marcos, who is my accuser, is also the prosecutor and final judge of his own charges against me. The Prosecution replied that the proceedings were merely for perpetuation of testimony and were not a part of the trial.
The hearing before the Military Commission was continued on April 1, on which date the Commission brushed aside my opposition, saying that the proceedings were not a part of the trial. On the question of whether I should be present or not, it rendered a well-studied ruling that in accordance with law I need not be present.
I went back to my prison cell. To my surprise, on April 2, I received a Motion for Reconsideration from the Prosecution, asking the Commission to set aside its own ruling, and to compel me to be present. I knew in my bones that Mr. Marcos would not be satisfied with my absence-he wanted me to be humiliated and demolished frontally! Hearing was resumed on April 3, and on April 4 the Military Commission ordered that I be produced bodily before it. In a ruling that shocked me, the military tribunal reversed its own decision and held that the proceedings were now part of the actual trial, and that I must be present, even against my will. I requested for a short period of 7 days, so I could prepare, in my prison cell, a formal Motion for Reconsideration, and allow my lawyers to seek relief from the Supreme Court, but this plea for a 7-day period of suspension was denied on the spot. I thereupon announced that I would go on a hunger strike. Mr. Marcos’ favorite witness, Commander Melody, was immediately called to testify against me. This confessed murderer pointed to me as having ordered Commander Dante, in the presence of so many persons, to liquidate a barrio captain in Tarlac, who had been my loyal follower through many campaigns! Thus began the process of dehumanization.
In the meanwhile, the day before, April 3, my lawyers received a Resolution from the Supreme Court, dated April 1, stating that for “lack of a necessary quorum” of 10 justices, it could not act on my Urgent Motion for a restraining order because it involved a constitutional question.
Hearing continued in the Military Commission, with Commander Melody as the star witness. Through the controlled newspapers and the tv-radio stations, vivid accounts of my supposed crimes against society were recounted. No effort was spared to dehumanize and destroy me as Mr. Marcos’ political rival. I was supposed to be nothing more than a plain criminal.
After the hearing of April 7, I was allowed to meet my lawyers. I told them that at that point I did not need anything from the Supreme Court. Mr. Marcos had already accomplished his propaganda objective. He achieved, through his pampered witness, the purpose he set out to accomplish. My lawyers showed me a draft of a Manifestation they wanted to file. I said I did not want anything from the Supreme Court, and that the whole thing had been designed, composed and orchestrated in Malacañang. My lawyers said it was necessary to call the attention of the Supreme Court to the gross injustices committed against me, so no one could validly say later than the highest court of the land did not know anything about them. I agreed that it be filed, on that understanding.
The next day, April 8, I was brought back to the Military Commission for the resumption of the hearing. I felt very weak, due to hunger, but I had in my favor a clear conscience and a will that is ever stronger now than on the day I started my fast. Mr. Marcos’ star witness had just about finished the demolition job assigned to him. I felt that the case I had filed since 1973 in the Supreme Court had become meaningless. The dictator, with all the awesome powers of his office, had seen to that.
In the afternoon of April 8, after the adjournment of the hearing, my long-suffering wife arrived with the news that the Supreme Court had at last issued a temporary restraining order against the Commission and that there would be a hearing on the Motion for a Restraining Order on April 14, 1975. My reaction was quick, despite my increasing weakness: “This is too late and too little. I don’t need anything anymore from the. Let the military proceedings go on, as scheduled, so the whole world will see the meaning and essence of justice under martial law dictatorship.” The Prosecution had charged that the purpose of my hunger strike was to delay the taking of the testimony of their star witness. Let them eat their words-I want the star witness to go on and on, including all their other witnesses, so the whole world will see the difference between a half-truth and a complete falsehood.
On Bataan Day, April 9, I was brought again before the Military Commission. The Prosecution read the text of the restraining order and moved that the hearing be adjourned until further orders from the Supreme Court. Just what I thought! They wanted it stopped now-the whole thing has become embarrassing. I asked the permission of the Commission to say a few things. This was granted. I told them my path to God is more important than any oath I could take before men. I wanted my own testimony perpetuated, since I may have to meet my Maker shortly. (By the way, please get the full transcript of my statement.) In part, I said that I may perhaps be credited with a little intelligence. How could I possibly have ordered Dante, in the presence of so many persons, including Melody whom I had never seen or met before, to liquidate a barrio captain? I also told them I would request my lawyers not to file any petition before the Supreme Court, to withdraw the urgent motion for restraining order, and for the Military Commission to continue its hearings.
Despite my hunger strike, or probably because of it, I see with unmistakable clarity that my legal battles in the Supreme Court are now over. Mr. Marcos is the single genius, composing and directing all the proceedings, whether in the military tribunal or in the civil courts. This is the evil of one-man rule at its very worst. He has destroyed the independence of the civil courts, abolished the legislature, controlled the mass media, curtailed our cherished liberties-with the backing of the military, which, ironically, exist “for the good of the people.”
Without the Supreme Court as an obstacle, I have decided to go on my hunger strike and place my fate and my life squarely in the hands of my accuser, prosecutor, and judge-Mr. Marcos. Thus the plain, naked truth will be made clear to our people and to the rest of the world.
As I said, my hunger strike is not for myself alone, but for the many thousands of Filipinos who are helpless victims of the oppression and injustices of the so-called New Society. The meaning and thrust of my struggle and sacrifice transcend the limited question of absence or presence in the proceedings before the military tribunal.
I have therefore solemnly vowed to continue my hunger strike as a symbol of our people’s firm protest against:
1. the trial of civilians before military tribunals, particularly for offenses allegedly committed by them before martial law;
2. the lack of judicial independence. Trials by civil courts would still be a travesty of justice, especially in cases where those in power, their relatives or associates, are interested-for as long as our judges remain “casuals.” They should be given permanent tenure, for their own good and for the benefit of our people who have a vital stake in a sound administration of justice;
3. the absence of a genuine free press. Since martial law was proclaimed, I have been unfairly condemned and vilified by the controlled newspapers and tv-radio stations. I know there are many people who have been similarly pilloried. But a genuine free press is even more important for those who are in power. It may free them form their arrogance, their prejudices, and their pretensions, and help them see the injustices they have committed against their own people; and
4. the further continuation of martial law and its evils and repressions. After all, Mr. Marcos has already announced to the world that he had actually removed martial law since April 1974.
I know I have caused my loved ones immeasurable anguish and sorrow. But as I told the Military Commission last March 31, there comes a time in a man’s life when he must prefer a meaningful death to a meaningless life. Let Mr. Marcos realize that there are still Filipinos who are prepared to suffer and lay down their lives for a cause bigger than their own physical survival.
Others may know better ways of fighting the evils and injustices of one-man rule. But for me, a prisoner in an army camp, my only shelter is a clear conscience, my only shield my unshakeable faith that this is still a moral universe and that right and goodness will triumph in the end. Beyond the greed, the pride, the insolence, and the pretensions of those who rule us through force and fear and fraud, there is a living Almighty God who knows the dark mysteries of evil in the hearts of men. I know His justice, truth, and righteousness will reign and endure forever.
Those who have the force of arms will win in the meanwhile. But they will surely lose in the end. For to paraphrase Unamuno, the great thinker, for them to finally prevail, they must convince; to convince, they have to persuade; and in order to persuade, they need what they do not and cannot have: right and reason in the crucial struggle.
You will never know how much and how often you have been with me in the desolation of my prison cell. But be consoled in the thought that this is the least I can do for our helpless people. My only regret is that I cannot give more.
With all my love,
NINOY
Thank You & Farewell, President Cory Aquino
It didn't dawned on me at first, for my mind was preoccupied with a friend's wedding on that same day, that I didn't really thought of the news that my Mom told me upon waking up. It was on my way home from Batangas that the news really struck me. It wasn't long ago that I posted a blog entry sharing my own story and how I relate to former President's and her family's situation.
Maria Corazon 'Cory' Cojuangco Aquino, former President and the first female president, died of cardio-respiratory arrest at the age of 76 on the 1st day of August, Saturday, at 3:18 AM. It was, as Kris Aquino, youngest daughter of the former President, said it, happened almost after the last mystery of the Sorrowful mysteries. It was during the Memorare that the former President breathe her last breath.
Cory Aquino, being her religious self, was a devout Catholic, a Marian devotee, passed away on the 1st day of August (Saturday), the First Saturday of Devotion for the Catholics, at 3:18 AM, the Hour of Divine Mercy. As what a fellow blogger posted, heaven must be festooned with yellow, white and blue, colors of Cory Aquino and the Blessed Virgin Mary. She died 20 days earlier of her husband's 26th death anniversary.
She is well-loved by many (if not all) Filipinos because of the things she did during and after her presidency. She was the one who fought against the dictatorship of former President Marcos, was the one who brought back the press freedom, she gave us back our democracy and as most of the Filipinos said, she was the untainted President. She was even selected as Time magazine's Woman of the Year in 1986. Post presidency, she supported people against corruption and believed that unity can still bring the country back to its feet. One of those that she helped the most was Jun Lozada who fought a big fight against corruption (ZTE scandal). She stood by his side when almost everyone was casting stones on him. She touched the lives of so many Filipinos in her own way, even those who don't really know her personally has their own story to tell.
Farewell to our beloved (former) President Cory, a mother, a friend and a political icon who lived her life unselfishly and shared it with the rest of the Philippines. Rest in peace, Ma'am.
“I would rather die a meaningful death than to live a meaningless life.” - one of the meaningful quotes from Corazon Aquino
Maria Corazon 'Cory' Cojuangco Aquino, former President and the first female president, died of cardio-respiratory arrest at the age of 76 on the 1st day of August, Saturday, at 3:18 AM. It was, as Kris Aquino, youngest daughter of the former President, said it, happened almost after the last mystery of the Sorrowful mysteries. It was during the Memorare that the former President breathe her last breath.
Cory Aquino, being her religious self, was a devout Catholic, a Marian devotee, passed away on the 1st day of August (Saturday), the First Saturday of Devotion for the Catholics, at 3:18 AM, the Hour of Divine Mercy. As what a fellow blogger posted, heaven must be festooned with yellow, white and blue, colors of Cory Aquino and the Blessed Virgin Mary. She died 20 days earlier of her husband's 26th death anniversary.
She is well-loved by many (if not all) Filipinos because of the things she did during and after her presidency. She was the one who fought against the dictatorship of former President Marcos, was the one who brought back the press freedom, she gave us back our democracy and as most of the Filipinos said, she was the untainted President. She was even selected as Time magazine's Woman of the Year in 1986. Post presidency, she supported people against corruption and believed that unity can still bring the country back to its feet. One of those that she helped the most was Jun Lozada who fought a big fight against corruption (ZTE scandal). She stood by his side when almost everyone was casting stones on him. She touched the lives of so many Filipinos in her own way, even those who don't really know her personally has their own story to tell.
Farewell to our beloved (former) President Cory, a mother, a friend and a political icon who lived her life unselfishly and shared it with the rest of the Philippines. Rest in peace, Ma'am.
“I would rather die a meaningful death than to live a meaningless life.” - one of the meaningful quotes from Corazon Aquino
Touch a Blogger: Tie A Yellow Ribbon For Cory Aquino!
I am joining the 'Tie A Yellow Ribbon' brigade. I feel for the family because my maternal grandmother succumbed to Colon cancer March of 2003. Battling the Big C is not an easy task, not an eventful journey and was a tedious thing both for the patient and the family.
I always thought of my 'Nanay' whenever I hear a news about our former President. I was never the ideal granddaughter to her during those times. I know that 'Nanay' knows that I am not into staying at the hospital. It was always Mama and Ate that are by her side those times. I went to her twice all throughout the hospitalization, but deep inside me, I was broken. For I cannot bear to see her then suffering. I cannot bear to hear her mumbling because of pain. I cannot bear to see and feel her sufferings back then.
I was doing a theater show for the Lenten Season when I received a text message that she passed away. I was torn between being a professional and being a granddaughter. And what hurts me most was when I was told that I was the last person that she asked for on her deathbed. She was looking and asking for me before she died. She wants me to be there. She asked for me, but I wasn't there. I was never there.
All of these memories came rushing through me whenever I hear something about someone who's suffering from illnesses such as the former President's. I feel for Kris Aquino when she said on national TV that she wants to be beside her mother during these moments. I feel for everyone who was never beside their loved ones during those times that their presence was badly needed. I feel for everybody who was torn between pretending to be tough and letting their emotions show during their trial times.
If only I can turn back time, but I cannot.
I always thought of my 'Nanay' whenever I hear a news about our former President. I was never the ideal granddaughter to her during those times. I know that 'Nanay' knows that I am not into staying at the hospital. It was always Mama and Ate that are by her side those times. I went to her twice all throughout the hospitalization, but deep inside me, I was broken. For I cannot bear to see her then suffering. I cannot bear to hear her mumbling because of pain. I cannot bear to see and feel her sufferings back then.
I was doing a theater show for the Lenten Season when I received a text message that she passed away. I was torn between being a professional and being a granddaughter. And what hurts me most was when I was told that I was the last person that she asked for on her deathbed. She was looking and asking for me before she died. She wants me to be there. She asked for me, but I wasn't there. I was never there.
All of these memories came rushing through me whenever I hear something about someone who's suffering from illnesses such as the former President's. I feel for Kris Aquino when she said on national TV that she wants to be beside her mother during these moments. I feel for everyone who was never beside their loved ones during those times that their presence was badly needed. I feel for everybody who was torn between pretending to be tough and letting their emotions show during their trial times.
If only I can turn back time, but I cannot.
It's Final!
After 3 years of working in Makati, over Pet Society and Restaurant City, well, Facebook for that matter, I've finally made a decision and it's FINAL! I am ready to leave Makati. I am welcoming the opportunity to work down South and hopefully I'll enjoy it there. It would be an adjustment but I know I can do it and will make it. So, there, I'm just waiting for 'the call'.
(Great) Wedding Entrance, Anyone?
Got this from a friend's blog. I was crying while watching the video because of love. I felt the love that their families and friends have for them, that made them dance their hearts out. It was the best wedding entrance I've ever seen. Reflects the couple and the love that surrounds them.
Farewell, Michael Jackson
I watched Michael Jackson Memorial through CNN.com Live, and was deeply touched by how the Americans/non-Americans loved Michael Jackson and undoubtedly never left his side. Some paid their respect/shared their talents singing/playing MJ's songs, such as Mariah Carey and Trey Lorenz' better-than-their-released-rendition of 'I'll Be There'; Lionel Ritchie's heartwarming version of 'Jesus Is Love'; JHud's 'Will You Be There'; John Mayer's guitar-and-back-up-singers-only 'Human Nature'; Jermaine singing MJ's favorite song, 'Smile'; Usher's version of 'Gone Too Soon' which made most of the Facebook viewers post that it was the song that really made them cry (I just hope they really did) and not to forget Stevie Wonder's 'Never Dreamed You'd Leave In Summer'. Some of the King's friends spoke of their praises such as Smokey Robinson, quoting Nelson Mandela and Diana Ross; Queen Latifah who recited a poem by by Maya Angelou entitled 'We Had Him'; Berry Gordy, Motown founder; Kobe Bryant & Magic Johnson had their own share of story to tell; Rev. Al Sharpton shared a speech on how Michael kept rising, how MJ made the world united through his music. I was touched by Brooke Shields' I-nearly-cried-but-I-didn't speech, reminiscing their childhood and how their friendship blossomed into a lifetime sharing of experiences. Marlon, his brother, shared a story on how he was able to identify Michael even though he was wearing a disguise. Telling him that he (Marlon) knew that it was him even though he was in disguise because he is his brother. Cliche as it may sound, blood is (always) thicker than water. And then there was Paris' speech, on how Michael 'has been the best father you could ever imagine.'
One more thing that caught my attention since MJ died was the fact that his family, in spite and despite of their own problems, stayed as a family and showed support not just to MJ's kids but to each other as well. This is the kind of family that the whole world should have, not that I patronize whatever issues, be it the truth or not, they have in them. Almost all his sibling had their own time sharing (even those that are not supposed to be shared in public) their trials and tribulations to the public, still they remain true to what a family should be, 'be there for each other'.
The world may have lost another icon, another father to his children, son and brother to his family, the fact will remain that Michael Jackson shared his life and talent unselfishly, letting the whole world know that a man, who may not be as perfect as what the world wants him to be, shared his life, his talent and his being human to all, not just to gain praises but to leave something, a legacy that the next gen and the generations to come will be proud of.
As the memorial services end, there was this quote that struck me: THE KING OF POP WILL BOW TO THE KING OF KINGS. Sad but true. Hats off to King of Pop, so long, Michael Jackson.
One more thing that caught my attention since MJ died was the fact that his family, in spite and despite of their own problems, stayed as a family and showed support not just to MJ's kids but to each other as well. This is the kind of family that the whole world should have, not that I patronize whatever issues, be it the truth or not, they have in them. Almost all his sibling had their own time sharing (even those that are not supposed to be shared in public) their trials and tribulations to the public, still they remain true to what a family should be, 'be there for each other'.
The world may have lost another icon, another father to his children, son and brother to his family, the fact will remain that Michael Jackson shared his life and talent unselfishly, letting the whole world know that a man, who may not be as perfect as what the world wants him to be, shared his life, his talent and his being human to all, not just to gain praises but to leave something, a legacy that the next gen and the generations to come will be proud of.
As the memorial services end, there was this quote that struck me: THE KING OF POP WILL BOW TO THE KING OF KINGS. Sad but true. Hats off to King of Pop, so long, Michael Jackson.
I Want Nobody But You!
It's 4:30 AM and I'm still awake. Been sick since Saturday and hates what is going through with my work, still I need to find some time, break away time for a stressed me. I went out last night with my cousins, shared some stories with them and kept ourselves updated as to what is going on with our lives. Stories, stories, stories until:
Pau: Do you know the song Nobody?
Me: (sing and dance) I want nobody, nobody but you!
Bhem: Huh? (clueless, no idea at all. Duh!?)
Me and Pau: (sing and dance) I want nobody, nobody but you!
I love the dance steps and we're (my sister and I) going gaga trying to remember where this song was first played. So, if you guys knew where, feel free to drop us a message here. :p
Here's the lyrics, with the English translation, that I got from here.
WONDER GIRLS – NOBODY
credits to yesayoke
You Know I still Love You Baby. And it will never change.
I want nobody nobody but you
I want nobody nobody but you.
nan dareun sarameun shirheo niga animyeon shirheo
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody
nan shirheunde wae nal mireonaeryeogo hani jaggu naemareul deutji anhgo
wae ireohke dareun namja-ege nal bonaeryeo hani eoddeohke ireoni
nal wihae geureohdan geu mal neon bujokhadaneun geu mal
ijen geumanhae neon nareul aljanha wae weonhajido anhneungeol gangyohae
I want nobody nobody but you
I want nobody nobody but you.
nan dareun sarameun shirheo niga animyeon shirheo
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody
I want nobody nobody but you
I want nobody nobody but you.
nan dareun sarameun shirheo niga animyeon shirheo
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody
nan joheunde nan haengbokhande neoman isseumyeon dwae deo baralge eobtneunde
nugul mannaseo haengbokharan geoya nan neol ddeonaseo haengbokhal su eobseo
nal wihae geureohdan geu mal neon bujokhadaneun geu mal
mari an dwoeneun marigan geol wae molla niga eobshi eoddeohge haengbokhae
I want nobody nobody but you
I want nobody nobody but you.
nan dareun sarameun shirheo niga animyeon shirheo
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody
I want nobody nobody but you
I want nobody nobody but you.
nan dareun sarameun shirheo niga animyeon shirheo
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody
I don’t want nobody body. I don’t want nobody body.
naneun jeongmal niga animyeon niga animyeon shilhdan maryeo-ahhh
I want nobody nobody but you
I want nobody nobody but you.
nan dareun sarameun shirheo niga animyeon shirheo
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody
I want nobody nobody but you
I want nobody nobody but you.
nan dareun sarameun shirheo niga animyeon shirheo
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody
(rap)
Back to the days when we were so young and wild and free
modeunge neomuna ggumman gateodeon geuddaero doragago shipeunde
wae jaggu nareul mireo naeryeohae
Why do you push me away. I don’t want nobody nobody
Nobody nobody but you.
TRANSLATION
credits to: ndhas
You know I still love you baby
And it will never change
Chorus
I want nobody, nobody but you
I want nobody, nobody but you
I don’t want anyone else
I can’t have anyone but you
I want nobody nobody, nobody nobody
Why are you trying to push me away? I hate it.
You ignore what I am saying
Why are you trying to send me to other guys?
Why are you doing this?
Saying that this is for my own good
Saying that you are just not enough
Stop it right now, you know me well enough
Why are you forcing what you know I don’t want?
Chorus x2
I’m satisfied, I’m happy
If I have you I don’t want for anything else
Who do you want me to meet and be happy with?
I can’t be happy away from your side
Saying that this is for my own good
Saying that you are just not enough
Why can’t you understand that it makes no sense?
How can I be happy without you?
Chorus x2
I don’t want nobody, body body
I don’t want nobody, body body
Really, if it is not you
I hate it!
Chorus x2
Back to the days
When we were so young
And wild and free
Everything was just like a dream
I want to go back to those times
Why do you keep on pushing me away?
Why do you push me away?
I don’t want nobody, nobody
Nobody nobody but you
Pau: Do you know the song Nobody?
Me: (sing and dance) I want nobody, nobody but you!
Bhem: Huh? (clueless, no idea at all. Duh!?)
Me and Pau: (sing and dance) I want nobody, nobody but you!
I love the dance steps and we're (my sister and I) going gaga trying to remember where this song was first played. So, if you guys knew where, feel free to drop us a message here. :p
Here's the lyrics, with the English translation, that I got from here.
WONDER GIRLS – NOBODY
credits to yesayoke
You Know I still Love You Baby. And it will never change.
I want nobody nobody but you
I want nobody nobody but you.
nan dareun sarameun shirheo niga animyeon shirheo
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody
nan shirheunde wae nal mireonaeryeogo hani jaggu naemareul deutji anhgo
wae ireohke dareun namja-ege nal bonaeryeo hani eoddeohke ireoni
nal wihae geureohdan geu mal neon bujokhadaneun geu mal
ijen geumanhae neon nareul aljanha wae weonhajido anhneungeol gangyohae
I want nobody nobody but you
I want nobody nobody but you.
nan dareun sarameun shirheo niga animyeon shirheo
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody
I want nobody nobody but you
I want nobody nobody but you.
nan dareun sarameun shirheo niga animyeon shirheo
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody
nan joheunde nan haengbokhande neoman isseumyeon dwae deo baralge eobtneunde
nugul mannaseo haengbokharan geoya nan neol ddeonaseo haengbokhal su eobseo
nal wihae geureohdan geu mal neon bujokhadaneun geu mal
mari an dwoeneun marigan geol wae molla niga eobshi eoddeohge haengbokhae
I want nobody nobody but you
I want nobody nobody but you.
nan dareun sarameun shirheo niga animyeon shirheo
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody
I want nobody nobody but you
I want nobody nobody but you.
nan dareun sarameun shirheo niga animyeon shirheo
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody
I don’t want nobody body. I don’t want nobody body.
naneun jeongmal niga animyeon niga animyeon shilhdan maryeo-ahhh
I want nobody nobody but you
I want nobody nobody but you.
nan dareun sarameun shirheo niga animyeon shirheo
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody
I want nobody nobody but you
I want nobody nobody but you.
nan dareun sarameun shirheo niga animyeon shirheo
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody
(rap)
Back to the days when we were so young and wild and free
modeunge neomuna ggumman gateodeon geuddaero doragago shipeunde
wae jaggu nareul mireo naeryeohae
Why do you push me away. I don’t want nobody nobody
Nobody nobody but you.
TRANSLATION
credits to: ndhas
You know I still love you baby
And it will never change
Chorus
I want nobody, nobody but you
I want nobody, nobody but you
I don’t want anyone else
I can’t have anyone but you
I want nobody nobody, nobody nobody
Why are you trying to push me away? I hate it.
You ignore what I am saying
Why are you trying to send me to other guys?
Why are you doing this?
Saying that this is for my own good
Saying that you are just not enough
Stop it right now, you know me well enough
Why are you forcing what you know I don’t want?
Chorus x2
I’m satisfied, I’m happy
If I have you I don’t want for anything else
Who do you want me to meet and be happy with?
I can’t be happy away from your side
Saying that this is for my own good
Saying that you are just not enough
Why can’t you understand that it makes no sense?
How can I be happy without you?
Chorus x2
I don’t want nobody, body body
I don’t want nobody, body body
Really, if it is not you
I hate it!
Chorus x2
Back to the days
When we were so young
And wild and free
Everything was just like a dream
I want to go back to those times
Why do you keep on pushing me away?
Why do you push me away?
I don’t want nobody, nobody
Nobody nobody but you
===============================
See, the song, the singers, as well as the dance steps, rocks! This is my LSS and LDS (Last Dance Syndrome) for the moment.
Poker Face
Just as when my week was about to end as gloomy as it started, simple things such as this, (not to mention the kindness of some friends, who, may be far from me, still managed to make me smile) never fails to brighten the remaining hours of my day.
To Chris Daughtry, thanks.
To my friends, wherever you are, thanks.
To myself, don't GIVE UP.
To my friends, wherever you are, thanks.
To myself, don't GIVE UP.
video's from here
The Accident That Was
It was supposed to be a lunch date with three (actually, four, Ghing included) of my girl friends. We never thought that a simple lunch date would turn out to be a not-so-disastrous one.It was like ages since we had Tin and Ghing with us. It was always Glenna, Iris and me. Since it was Tin's rest day, she joined us for (free) lunch courtesy of Iris, who just celebrated her first year with a big time company.
And since Tin would be driving her car, we decided to dine at Market! Market! for a change of scenery since it's always been Glorietta or Greenbelt for us. Off we go. We just decided to meet up with another friend, Ghing, since she worked at the vicinity. After all the troubles we had in finding where the exact location of Market! Market! is, we finally found the building parking across it. The only problem now is to find a parking space. If we only knew that the second level was not as crowded as the first one, we should have gone there instead of going in circles trying to find a space. We were like on our second attempt and we're about to go to the second level parking when we all hear a thud, like we're slightly thrown off our seats. The picture says it all.
Luckily, no one got hurt, but I guess the car owner, Tin, was a bit shocked of what happened. On my point of view, it was not our fault (really!), I saw the other car, a Chevrolet, slowed down, I guess, a few steps before they hit us. I was wondering then why still it happened since Chev's driver was aware that they did slowed down. He was just telling us that it has something to do with his brakes. I guess he was man enough to talk to us calmly and was aware that it was partly (but I think it was mostly) his fault. They settled what needs to be settled, exchanged numbers, signed papers then off we go to the second level to park. At last!
I almost forgot about Ghing who was to meet us up for lunch that turned to be a late lunch (it's more proper to say that it was an early dinner, rather than late lunch since it was already past 3PM). So much for wanting to have lunch with friends.
postscript:
Tin, I can't help myself but to get involved when you were talking to Mr. Chev. Without you knowing, I had this "tampo" because of something. I guess it's my nature to care, and that's how much I love you, all of you. (^_^)
It was a different story that you guys have to see how my body reacted to the foods that I ate, in that case, the anniversary cake. The cake was superb, it's just my allergy hinders me that day to finish what was left. :p
Tin, I can't help myself but to get involved when you were talking to Mr. Chev. Without you knowing, I had this "tampo" because of something. I guess it's my nature to care, and that's how much I love you, all of you. (^_^)
It was a different story that you guys have to see how my body reacted to the foods that I ate, in that case, the anniversary cake. The cake was superb, it's just my allergy hinders me that day to finish what was left. :p
Argue
Mom and I are not in speaking terms again. (What's new?) We had an argument last night about some things. This is not new to us though, I hope this ends soon.
Torn
I'm in a middle of deciding what to do in the next couple of days and this image is what best describes me right now. It's as if I'll be having another mistake if I chose wrong.
In the past few weeks, work has not been a helpful environment for someone like me. It just made me more confused as to what to do with what I am experiencing now. As far as I know, it was not really the global crisis that caused our account to be dissolved, but I couldn't care less whether it was recession or not, what's bothering me is what will happen next.
For two weeks, 19 of 20 teammates went through Communication Enhancement Training, 'to further' enhance our communication skills, as what the HR says. And in that two weeks, me, being hesitant of transferring to a voice account (call center term, voice account means you do take calls. Yes, there are non-voice accounts in call centers too.) applied for a job opening in a company where four of my former colleagues are now working. I was thinking that in a span of one week, they (the company that I applied with) would be able to decide if they'll hire me since they said that they really needed people to do the work.
After the two weeks communications training, from 19, 7 of us were transferred to a technical support account which deals with cordless phones, then client specifics training started. And this is where the dilemma started. I hate starting something if I won't be able to finish it or use it to help me with my career. I was torn between quitting the training and just wait for the call from them, still I have this something in me that asks: what if they don't hire you and you already quit training? So, what I did was attend at least a few days of training while waiting for their call. My three days of waiting had passed and all I got was a message that they will have the decision by Monday if I'll be qualified or not. So there it goes.
Today is Sunday. I am praying for just one thing. Since I knew they already got two for the three vacant posts, all I'm praying is: please let them get another one who deserves the job more than I do. I'm not being picky, just that I already finished a week of client specs training. It would be a waste of my time if I had gone that far then quit. Please, God, let them choose someone who is more qualified than me.
postscript:
Yes, I was told beforehand that I am being considered for the remaining post and it's not just plain bragging.
UPDATE:
I wasn't really told as to who was picked for the post, but a friend, who took the exam hours after I did, sent a message telling me that she was contacted and told to report for work, but only for a trial period of one month. (Are we products to be tested? LOL) What happens if she didn't pass the trial period? Call another applicant? I just hope... (will not end my blog so as not to hurt my friend who referred me to that post)
In the past few weeks, work has not been a helpful environment for someone like me. It just made me more confused as to what to do with what I am experiencing now. As far as I know, it was not really the global crisis that caused our account to be dissolved, but I couldn't care less whether it was recession or not, what's bothering me is what will happen next.
For two weeks, 19 of 20 teammates went through Communication Enhancement Training, 'to further' enhance our communication skills, as what the HR says. And in that two weeks, me, being hesitant of transferring to a voice account (call center term, voice account means you do take calls. Yes, there are non-voice accounts in call centers too.) applied for a job opening in a company where four of my former colleagues are now working. I was thinking that in a span of one week, they (the company that I applied with) would be able to decide if they'll hire me since they said that they really needed people to do the work.
After the two weeks communications training, from 19, 7 of us were transferred to a technical support account which deals with cordless phones, then client specifics training started. And this is where the dilemma started. I hate starting something if I won't be able to finish it or use it to help me with my career. I was torn between quitting the training and just wait for the call from them, still I have this something in me that asks: what if they don't hire you and you already quit training? So, what I did was attend at least a few days of training while waiting for their call. My three days of waiting had passed and all I got was a message that they will have the decision by Monday if I'll be qualified or not. So there it goes.
Today is Sunday. I am praying for just one thing. Since I knew they already got two for the three vacant posts, all I'm praying is: please let them get another one who deserves the job more than I do. I'm not being picky, just that I already finished a week of client specs training. It would be a waste of my time if I had gone that far then quit. Please, God, let them choose someone who is more qualified than me.
postscript:
Yes, I was told beforehand that I am being considered for the remaining post and it's not just plain bragging.
UPDATE:
I wasn't really told as to who was picked for the post, but a friend, who took the exam hours after I did, sent a message telling me that she was contacted and told to report for work, but only for a trial period of one month. (Are we products to be tested? LOL) What happens if she didn't pass the trial period? Call another applicant? I just hope... (will not end my blog so as not to hurt my friend who referred me to that post)
Of Boys...
Over Flowers...
I thought I was over the F4 Fever when I first watched its Taiwanese version, Meteor Garden, in 2003 but I just proved myself wrong. It's so hard to get over the story... and the BOYS!
There are a lot of differences that I've noticed as I was watching BOF here. And to avoid being a spoiler, I won't say any of it. It's up to you to find out what are those. With Meteor Garden, I was really into Dao Ming Si and Mei Zuo, I never really paid attention to Xi Men until I saw BOF. (Well, I'm not really talking about the Taiwanese characters here but more of the actors who played the role. It's easier for me to remember BOF characters if I relate and call them by their Taiwanese character names, gets?)
It was Kim Bum's character (Xi Men in MG) that made me feel like I was 16 again (I was 24 when MG was shown here). I often kid about it and tell my sister that Yi Jung, his Korean character's name, can stay here if he wants, since he's not into nice, idiotic and involved-with-my-friend girls. I am qualified since I am not nice, not idiotic (or so I say) and I'm not friends with Geum Jan Di. *laughs sheepishly* While almost all who are watching and who have watched BOF are into Jun Pyo (Dao) and Ji Hoo (Lei), there I was 'drooling' and going gaga over Yi Jung.
Overall, I do believe *evil laugh* (a personal joke), the Koreans did a good job interpreting Hana Yori Dango. It was like MG and MG2 rolled into one. I just wished they did justice choosing a more good looking Geum Jan Di. My sister never fails to tell me EVERY TIME that she looks like Ms. Cynthia Patag, no pun intended, especially when Jan Di smiles.
postscript:
My desktop and mobile phone is flooded with BOF photos. Ugh! *smiles*
I thought I was over the F4 Fever when I first watched its Taiwanese version, Meteor Garden, in 2003 but I just proved myself wrong. It's so hard to get over the story... and the BOYS!
There are a lot of differences that I've noticed as I was watching BOF here. And to avoid being a spoiler, I won't say any of it. It's up to you to find out what are those. With Meteor Garden, I was really into Dao Ming Si and Mei Zuo, I never really paid attention to Xi Men until I saw BOF. (Well, I'm not really talking about the Taiwanese characters here but more of the actors who played the role. It's easier for me to remember BOF characters if I relate and call them by their Taiwanese character names, gets?)
It was Kim Bum's character (Xi Men in MG) that made me feel like I was 16 again (I was 24 when MG was shown here). I often kid about it and tell my sister that Yi Jung, his Korean character's name, can stay here if he wants, since he's not into nice, idiotic and involved-with-my-friend girls. I am qualified since I am not nice, not idiotic (or so I say) and I'm not friends with Geum Jan Di. *laughs sheepishly* While almost all who are watching and who have watched BOF are into Jun Pyo (Dao) and Ji Hoo (Lei), there I was 'drooling' and going gaga over Yi Jung.
Overall, I do believe *evil laugh* (a personal joke), the Koreans did a good job interpreting Hana Yori Dango. It was like MG and MG2 rolled into one. I just wished they did justice choosing a more good looking Geum Jan Di. My sister never fails to tell me EVERY TIME that she looks like Ms. Cynthia Patag, no pun intended, especially when Jan Di smiles.
postscript:
My desktop and mobile phone is flooded with BOF photos. Ugh! *smiles*
The Tower : And Now I Hate Mondays
I have this Daily Tarot Card application from Facebook that I have on my profile. I'm not really into Tarot cards but when I read what was written, it made me stop for a minute and think of how this be in coincidence of what happened at work.
The Tower represents sudden and unexpected change. It signifies the destruction of something that was not built on a solid foundation. With this change comes a time of disorder and chaos, but from this comes great improvement and newfound strength. This is an opportunity for you to start over and right your wrongs.It was very timely that I had this reading and the news that our supervisor gave us last night. After 16 months, 5 supervisors and 20 teammates that were added to us, our account now comes to an end. Our last day would be on the 20th. It just saddens me that this has to happen now. With all the problems that I am having right now, why does this have to happen now? But I guess I don't have any choice, I have to undergo another re-profiling, to find an account where I can fit, where I can be productive. One of my major concerns right now is that there is no non-voice account that needs people, so definitely, I'll end up with voice. I'll be taking calls in no time (I wish!). As what our Director said, he wants us to be transferred to our new accounts the soonest possible time, that he doesn't want us to be on floating status. I pray that it will happen the way he wants it to happen. I've seen this scenario before. I've been there and it's not good, it will never be, ever. Much as I want to look for another place to work, this office (BPO) is the MOST accessible one for me. I can find a non-voice job down South, where my former teammates are, but I'm thinking of the would-be-expenses. The offer is a bit tempting but I'll be taking home the same amount or less of what I'm getting from my current workplace. So definitely, working down South is a NO.
I made a decision while I was on my way home, I'll go with what is planned for us. I'll go to where they want us to be transferred. I'll try voice account. I'll try to be a "call center agent" for once. If in case I don't like it, I'll quit and look for another job.
BUT I WILL NOT QUIT WITHOUT TRYING, THAT'S FOR SURE.
I have Urticaria, so what?
About four years ago, I was diagnosed to have Urticaria. At first I thought it was just plain allergies, but I've never been allergic to these foods when I was growing up, that's why I was wondering why now? Why all of a sudden I was having these breakouts (hives) all over me, even in those places that only I can see. I even had some tests done just to make sure that it was really U and not some other disease. As most of us know, this can be a very tough condition since it would really itch all over not just for some minutes but for hours until it itch no more, and boy, that was not an easy one to deal with. I would oftentimes have meds with it but it won't work until after 30 mins or so. It would mean another itchy 30-mins for me. Sometimes, the stubborn side of me doesn't wanna take meds, must be the chemical compounds of it that scares me, so I have to take a bath, pour some alcohol on affected areas, do warm/cold compress, use vinegar and the likes just to get rid of the itchiness and ease up the swelling. Then I went back to the doctor, HE told me something that SHE (my first doctor) didn't, that Urticaria can be caused by both allergens (nuts, chocolate, dairy, fish, chicken, eggs in my case) and non-allergens (friction, pressure, temperature extremes, exercise, sunlight and even stress). I just hate having this now more than ever. I thought I am over this for a long time, because I was back to eating those foods, but I guess I went over the limit that's why they came back, with a vengeance. I don't see this as something to be ashamed of but something that I should be MORE aware of. Something that I know I will look back to years after. Something that I have to conquer, battle with and will win over, just like my asthma. Ending this blog positively, after 4 hours of grueling itch and burning sensation, they're gone! Hope they won't find they're way back to me until tomorrow, or make it next week. Ciao!
I Wanted
Another random thought from me, but this one follows one topic only, what my WANTS (like is when I enjoy having/doing something, want is when I need to do/have something) are, be it material things or not. Selfish as it seems, but what the heck, everybody needs to write off what they want, whether they were / they'd be able get it or not.
When I was a kid, all I want is to finish my studies, earn a degree, work, meet someone good, stable and ready to be my husband then finally, get married at the age of 25. I was never a materialistic kid. I'm happy and satisfied with what I had at that time. It's as if I don't see certain things as complicated as it seems now. I was happy then if I got to have an autograph -- for my new friends to write, a few notebooks for all my subjects (I guess this is where my being "OCD" started, I hate to have two subjects written in one notebook). New shoes every school year, with five socks for each day brings me joy back then. Simple things such as black ballpoint pen that writes good, backpack that is not too brightly colored, an organizer (pretending that I am organized at a young age. I don't even know what to write in some parts of it), those are some of my WANT stuffs back when I was young. But it was never an issue if I won't get it. It was never a big deal for me.
Growing up, when I was about to graduate from high school, there are some that I WANTED very bad but I was not able to get hold of. I was to study in one of the state universities, but I wasn't able to get it. It was then I knew how hard it is to not get what you want. And it was around that time that I knew that my family is not the way I think we were, financially. So, instead of WANTING to study, my wants changed. I want to work, then study or do both during that time, which I did. I did great in juggling my time, from studying from 7AM to 2PM, then work from 3PM to 10PM. I want and liked what I was doing and it lasted for a year. A year of struggling between what I want and what I should do. Then I quit wanting. It was then that I realized, that I won't be able to get what I want if I wasn't wholeheartedly doing my best in getting it.
It was that same time when I took a summer workshop, acting, that is. At about the same time that I WANT to try theater. I know I am good at this, and I WANT it, the same way that I WANT the other things that I wanted before, but it was not that long before that WANTING stopped. Again, I need to prioritize what my WANTS are. Off to work, all those WANTING for a lot of things started to fade, became blurry, then gone.
Then there came an offer from a relative, that would help me get back to what I WANTED from the start, STUDY. Of course it didn't came as a dessert served on a nice plate with tea, coffee or juice beside it. I have to stop wanting to work, wanting to earn. I did and took risk of concentrating, wanting just one thing. I did well, but not for long. It took me two years before I stopped wanting to study. I still want to do so, but financially, I can't. Even the one supporting we wants me to finish what I have started but financially, we all can't.
I shifted back to WANTING to work and help my family, send my siblings to school, help with the bills and all. Up to now, I am still under this WANT sickness, but underneath all these wants is me, gone back to being the simple me, back to the simple me who just WANTED simple things. I'm back to wanting little things such as good ballpoint pen, comfy shoes, diary (I quit wanting organizer), alcohol (rubbing alcohol, handy, for hygienic purposes), and a chocolate bar every now and then, whenever the need arises. All the BIGGER WANTS (appliances, accessories, gadgets), it's not me who really wanted those, well, I WANT them, but it's more of I WANT them for my family. I guess it's the responsible side of me that is WANTING it, because in some ways, I want them to have what I think is nice and will be useful to them, as long as I can afford it.
As I am writing this, I still have the same feeling of WANTING to earn a degree, of WANTING to meet someone (he needs not to be THAT good and ready to be a husband because I'm not even sure if I'm gonna marry him for that matter), of WANTING to give my family what they WANT and the feeling of WANTING this job I have. I think those are the things that I really WANTED.
When I was a kid, all I want is to finish my studies, earn a degree, work, meet someone good, stable and ready to be my husband then finally, get married at the age of 25. I was never a materialistic kid. I'm happy and satisfied with what I had at that time. It's as if I don't see certain things as complicated as it seems now. I was happy then if I got to have an autograph -- for my new friends to write, a few notebooks for all my subjects (I guess this is where my being "OCD" started, I hate to have two subjects written in one notebook). New shoes every school year, with five socks for each day brings me joy back then. Simple things such as black ballpoint pen that writes good, backpack that is not too brightly colored, an organizer (pretending that I am organized at a young age. I don't even know what to write in some parts of it), those are some of my WANT stuffs back when I was young. But it was never an issue if I won't get it. It was never a big deal for me.
Growing up, when I was about to graduate from high school, there are some that I WANTED very bad but I was not able to get hold of. I was to study in one of the state universities, but I wasn't able to get it. It was then I knew how hard it is to not get what you want. And it was around that time that I knew that my family is not the way I think we were, financially. So, instead of WANTING to study, my wants changed. I want to work, then study or do both during that time, which I did. I did great in juggling my time, from studying from 7AM to 2PM, then work from 3PM to 10PM. I want and liked what I was doing and it lasted for a year. A year of struggling between what I want and what I should do. Then I quit wanting. It was then that I realized, that I won't be able to get what I want if I wasn't wholeheartedly doing my best in getting it.
It was that same time when I took a summer workshop, acting, that is. At about the same time that I WANT to try theater. I know I am good at this, and I WANT it, the same way that I WANT the other things that I wanted before, but it was not that long before that WANTING stopped. Again, I need to prioritize what my WANTS are. Off to work, all those WANTING for a lot of things started to fade, became blurry, then gone.
Then there came an offer from a relative, that would help me get back to what I WANTED from the start, STUDY. Of course it didn't came as a dessert served on a nice plate with tea, coffee or juice beside it. I have to stop wanting to work, wanting to earn. I did and took risk of concentrating, wanting just one thing. I did well, but not for long. It took me two years before I stopped wanting to study. I still want to do so, but financially, I can't. Even the one supporting we wants me to finish what I have started but financially, we all can't.
I shifted back to WANTING to work and help my family, send my siblings to school, help with the bills and all. Up to now, I am still under this WANT sickness, but underneath all these wants is me, gone back to being the simple me, back to the simple me who just WANTED simple things. I'm back to wanting little things such as good ballpoint pen, comfy shoes, diary (I quit wanting organizer), alcohol (rubbing alcohol, handy, for hygienic purposes), and a chocolate bar every now and then, whenever the need arises. All the BIGGER WANTS (appliances, accessories, gadgets), it's not me who really wanted those, well, I WANT them, but it's more of I WANT them for my family. I guess it's the responsible side of me that is WANTING it, because in some ways, I want them to have what I think is nice and will be useful to them, as long as I can afford it.
As I am writing this, I still have the same feeling of WANTING to earn a degree, of WANTING to meet someone (he needs not to be THAT good and ready to be a husband because I'm not even sure if I'm gonna marry him for that matter), of WANTING to give my family what they WANT and the feeling of WANTING this job I have. I think those are the things that I really WANTED.
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