My Unnamed You

    I am still not over you, Muy. I still think of you whenever I see mommies and their bellies. I still cry from time to time thinking of my what ifs. And whenever I think I am starting to be fine, I will chance upon some things that will make me say I am not. Today is one of them, I come across this on social media. 

Healing Hugs

My Last Post About You

     This would be my last post about you. 

    I just want to thank you for the five years and four months of being friends. Seven months of those, you made me happy, yet uncertain, very uncertain.

Typewriters Voice

    I still believe in you despite of what happened. Behind the pain and the hurt you have caused me, I still believe that there is goodness in you. You were not born an ego maniac. I still want to know who hurt you that much to make you be the person that you are. I still want to know your deepest secret that you never told anyone, because I still care.

     But...

Pain In My Heart

It's 2:30 AM. I woke up almost an hour ago crying. 

Losing a part of you is painful. The grief doesn't just stop. They say that the more you verbalize the pain, the easier it will be to accept. I don't know if days will get easier. The pain will forever be a part of me. 

I have shared part of the story to some people I have just met and trusted. You feel it in your gut, when you meet people, if they are sincere and trustworthy. And I am glad that they are. They have welcomed me with an open heart and mind. They did not judge me for my decisions and actions. And my heart swells because of it. 

The recent event made me realize that I don't have to keep everything all to myself, yet I am not ready to let the person involved know. Not this time. Not anytime soon. Am I being selfish, anak? 

Nanay and Muy

I named you Muy, my unnamed you.

I finally had the courage to share you with them earlier. They will soon forget you, Muy, but Nanay won't. I will forever hold you close to my heart. You are a reminder that I once have been happy amidst all the chaos that this world has. 

I still cry every time I read the first post I had of you. Will still cry every time I would be reminded of you. I love you, Muy. I am now ready to post more about you. 

Lablab ni Nanay si Muy. 

Health: Stressed

I've been having tummy issues again since Monday morning. I know this is just because I was stressed out Sunday evening. This could either be gastritis or an early manifestation of GERD, hopefully not. It's more of stomach pain. I have not felt like vomiting yet. I have GERD for more than decade now. 

What is GERD? 

I Lost You; Phone and More

Disclaimer: I was not suppose to share this with ANYONE. I am all set keeping this as a secret for the rest of my life. I was triggered because I lost my phone. It's not the phone that I want back but the memory card. It took me more than 24 hours to finish this and 2-3 hours just reading everything again. As it would be the last time that I would be having "my unnamed you" all for myself.

I lost my phone.

More than the value of the phone, I lost a lot of memories, good and bad; happy and sad, stored in that phone. I never thought I would feel this much losing a phone. I didn't just lose the phone. I lost a part of me too. Stored in that phone.

That phone was a silent witness of how my life is for the last five years. LG3 (it's actually an LG G3 Beat model) has seen me fall in and out of love; and repeat. He was my witness of how I am over the last five years. He has all the memories of a love that was five years in the making, and how I lost thrice.

The first time I lost was five years ago. The man I liked then was (I thought) married, with kids. So I settled with being friends. Until four years and nine months later, March 21, to be exact.